The Secrets They Keep
by magicmusic
Summary: Anyone at Hogwarts would say that the relationship between James Potter and Lily Evans is exactly what it should be for two students from the same house. However, the Marauders alone know better, and one is very interested in the secrets they keep.
1. Chapter 1

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Lily's house, summer before seventh year_

It was midmorning, and seventeen-year old Lily Evans was curled up on her couch watching TV with Remus Lupin who had his arm around her shoulders. She turned to him in between flipping through her few channels.

"Remus, the girls are coming over in about an hour. Do you think you could find something to do today?"

"You mean I can't come with you three and finally see what girls do when they're alone without us guys?" he asked, taking on a mock-hurt tone.

"You've been with us before, Rem," she laughed, "and you vowed never to do it again."

"I'm pretty sure you three were out to make me make that vow that day."

Lily grinned and thought back to the time in fifth year when Remus had insisted on intruding on their girl time.

Girls Dormitory, fifth year

"You first, Remus," Lily said holding the door for the fifteen-year old Gryffindor who had just taken her to Hogsmeade.

"Are you sure? Not ladies first?" Remus asked, always trying to be the gentleman to these three girls. He was also still a bit shocked that they were letting him invade their Saturday nights. And even more shocked that they had managed to get him up these stairs in the first place; it was a well-known fact that they turned into an un-scalable slide if anyone of the male gender touched them.

"Just enter, Remus," Lily replied. "You're the guest so we'll follow."

Remus shrugged and entered their dormitory. It wasn't as clean as he would have imagined, except for one bed in the far corner.

"And that's Lily's?" he ventured to guess pointing at the neat space.

'Wrong," Alice Prewett said, grinning as Mary MacDonald stopped next to the bed he was pointing to. The three girls smirked at his look of utter amazement. "New would have pinned that on _her_, would you?"

"Lily's always the neat one, in class, with her work, on duty…" Remus trailed off, still unable to fully comprehend what he was seeing.

"You should see her right before exams," Alice said. "She's an absolute wreck. This is clean compared to May!"

Remus looked back to the mass of books, parchment, charts, quills, and ink that was strewn around the area they were talking about.

"I never would have expected that."

"Well, things aren't always what you expect," Mary replied.

There was a pause as Remus continued to look around. The girls shot glances at each other behind his turned back, and at Lily's nod, they each grabbed their pillow.

"We really need to get this started, Remus, if you don't mind," Lily said. Remus turned his attention back to the three girls, and a look of shear terror spread over his face just upon seeing their maniacal, matching grins, not to mention the pillows. "Okay, girls."

At her simple command, Lily, Alice, and Mary began to pummel Remus with their pillows, laughing hysterically as he tired to shield himself.

"What's this for?" he cried, trying to find sanctuary.

"You were the first one to walk in the door," Lily replied, in between fits of laughter. "We always do this to the first one; it's tradition."

They stopped suddenly, and Remus let out a sigh of relief.

"So that's why you were so insistent."

"We were saving Mary the trouble," Lily replied. "She always forgets and goes first."

Mary was about to retort, but Lily had kicked her, hard.

They had proceeded to torture Remus all night, pretending that it was all what they usually did Saturday nights, until Remus practically ran out of the room vowing never to interrupt them again.

"I'm surprised you still came back to me," Lily said, pulling herself out of that memory.

"I can't live without you, Lils," Remus replied kissing her lightly.

The clock in the other room chimed, suddenly reminding Lily of why they were having this conversation. She pulled back slightly and looked up at Remus.

"So you won't mind finding something to do today then?"

"I suppose I can work something out. The Marauders were planning to get together today anyway, so you, Alice, and Mary need not worry about me."

Lily smiled at him as Remus glanced down at his watch.

"Which reminds me, I'll be late if I don't leave now." Remus stood up and kissed Lily once more. "I don't know if I'll be back tonight, so don't feel like you have to wait up."

"And when have I ever waited up for the likes of you?" Lily teased while following Remus to the door.

"Hmmm…" He pretended to think. "The first night I went out with the guys? And every other night since that?"

"Fine, you win."  
"Only this once, I promise you."  
With that, he kissed her again and left the house. Lily closed the door and was headed back to the couch as something clicked in her head.

_He's walking; they're meeting at Potter's._

"Great. Just great."

She proceeded to mumble for another fifteen minutes until a knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. Going quickly to the source of the sound, Lily threw open the door and to her delight, saw Alice and Mary standing before her.

Alice hadn't changed at all. Her golden curls still fell slightly below her shoulders, which framed her plump face quite well. She smiled upon seeing Lily, causing her whole face to light up, especially her brilliant, baby blue eyes.

Lily then turned to Mary.

"This is a new look for you," she commented upon seeing Mary's wavy, dark brown hair which now fell about two inches above her shoulders.

"Yes, it's nice to see you, too, Lily-Flower," Mary responded, her unique purple eyes dancing with laughter.

"Ugg, don't call me that!" Lily exclaimed while leading the two girls inside and up to her room. "You know how much I hate it!"

"Why else do I bother?"

"I should have known."  
"Guys – can we not start this yet? We just got here."

"Sorry, Alice," both girls muttered.

"So when did you cut your hair, Mary?" Lily asked sitting down on her floor as the other two plopped down around her, forming some sort of circle.

"A couple days after we got home. Like it?" Mary asked, turning so Lily could see it all.

"It looks amazing!" Lily exclaimed and began to twirl her own loose red curls absentmindedly around her fingers. "It seems as though I'm the only one left with long hair now."

"And don't you dare cut it!" Alice put in suddenly. "Everyone loves your hair!"

"What she means, Lil, is that we love your hair…and so does Remus," Mary slid in, glancing over at Lily to see her reaction.

Lily just smiled broadly. "And why shouldn't he?" She leaned back contently against a wall, then sat up suddenly. "I've missed the two of you so much!"

"We missed you too, Lil, but I am curious as to why _now_ is the first time you've had us over," Mary commented.

"My parents aren't home?" Lily offered up as a half-hearted excuse.

"Especially since your parents aren't home!"

"Well, Remus had been over."

Both Alice and Mary gave her a questioning look, as if doubting her excuse.

"Has been over as in…" Alice started hesitantly, "coming over every day or…"

"Or staying permanently for the summer," Mary finished for her.

Lily looked up from Alice to see that Mary had ventured over to the guest room across form her own where she was currently housing Remus (minus the actual person, at this moment). Now, Mary was looking back at Lily in utter shock – or was that amazement?

"Remus is staying with you for the whole summer?" Mary asked while Alice exclaimed, "Lily!"

"He is my boyfriend," Lily replied nonchalantly. "And my parents are away for the whole summer."

She turned back to see the contorted faces of Emmeline and Alice.

"What? Am I not allowed to have a little fun?"

"We're still not quite used to hearing you say the 'b' word, Lily," Alice said, as if to explain.

"It'll be two years in December, guys. And you have no problem with Sirus and Mary!"

"Stupid Dumbledore making us have that stupid Yule Ball," Mary muttered under her breath. Lily pretended not to hear; Alice, it seems, really didn't hear, or she would have surely retorted.

"And it's rather risqué of you, if I do say so myself."

"It's not like we'll do anything, Alice. You know that."

"I've been wrong before, Lily."

"So where is Remus?" Mary asked, then seemed to suddenly sense another lost presence. "And where's your _delightful_ sister?"

"Petunia's spending the summer with her fiancé, since I invited 'that freak boyfriend of mine'," Lily answered, doing a wonderful impression of her sister. "Lovely Remus, on the other hand, is spending the day with the Marauders at Potter's. And possibly the night, which means the two of you can stay over."

"This will be amazing, Lily!" Alice breathed. "I can't wait!"

"Can't wait? It's here, Alice!"

"But night's so much better for everything. Right, Mary?"

"Huh?" the girl in question asked as she tore herself away from Lily's window.

"What's caught your mind, Mary?" Lily asked.

"Well, I guess Sirus would be at James' too, and I was just wondering if they're home."

Lily stood up suddenly and peered intently out of the window for a minute.

"What's she doing?" Alice mouthed to Mary who was looking just as perplexed and ended up only being able to shrug her shoulders in response.

"Nope, they're not home," Lily replied after another minutes of intense staring.

"How exactly can you tell?" asked Mary, looking quite frightened. "You don't have a sixth Marauder sense or anything, do you?"

Instead of responding directly, Lily pointed out of her window to a house across the street but a few doors down. "See that gray house?" Mary nodded. "That's where the Potters live."

"You've lived across the street from James all these years and never told us?" Mary exclaimed.

"What's there to tell?" Lily asked turning away. "Our parents are best friends, go out together, have each other over for dinner all the time… There's not really much to it."

"Speaking of James," Alice started, "did you hear about the party he's having? I hear he's invited practically the whole school."

"Yeah, Sirus told me," Mary practically gushed. "Aren't you so excited, Lil! Amazing change to spend some quality time." She didn't notice the dark look that had jus spread over Lily's face or the fact that she was searching through the papers on her desk.

"Chance to spend quality time with whom, Mary?" Alice asked with a devilish grin. "Us or Sirus?"

"Like you don't want to spend time with Frank."

Alice was about to retort when she caught the murderous look on Lily's face.

"Oh no. What's wrong, Lil?

Lily shoved a piece of parchment at her two friends and just proceeded to watch them.

"What's wrong with this, Lil?" Mary asked. "You got a personal invitation; the rest of us heard by word of mouth."

"Yeah," Alice added. "It just says what we already know: time, place, date, 'tell your friends', 'everyone's invited'…"

"Bottom left hand corner," Lily growled dangerously low in her throat.

"'Except for Remus' girlfriend,'" Alice continued in a much meeker voice. "But he _sent_ you and invitation…"

"He sent _Remus_ and invitation," Lily corrected in that same dangerous voice. "It just happened to get delivered on my table so I took the liberty of opening it."

"Has Remus seen this yet?"

"No, but he'll kill Potter when he does find out. It's no secret that Potter and I hate each other; he's just purposely trying to antagonize me."

Mary turned away from the window suddenly, and even Alice looked up abruptly.

"Wait," Mary held her hands up then pointed a finger at Lily, "you mean to tell me that you, Lily Evans, hate James Potter? Were you even planning on telling anyone? Telling us? We're your best friends, Lily, we deserve to know stuff like this."

"I didn't want to make it into a big thing," Lily murmured, her expression begging for understanding. "It didn't seem like a big deal, to keep the peace, to promote inner-house unity. We try to keep it civil… Even our parents don't know…well, I'm sure Mrs. Potter sees the death glares I send him every time I ask for the salt, but we just try to keep it to ourselves."

"Who knows?" Alice asked quietly in a voice that clearly displayed her feeling of betrayal. "Who else knows about all of this? Remus, obviously."

"All of the Marauders," Lily replied under her breath, somewhat sheepishly.

"And pray, why are they privy to this information when we are not?" Mary questioned, her voice almost mocking.

"When you can only yell at someone in the Boy's Dorm, his friends tend to be around when some of these matches occur."

Alice shook her head as Mary went back to staring out of the window.

"So you're going anyway, right, Lil?" Emmeline more assumed than asked. "You can crash it; we'll be there for you."

"I really don't want to spend any more time at Potter's than absolutely necessary. It's not a good idea to get us together without any authority."

"I know you're being noble and everything, but I really don't want to lose an evening dancing with Sirus to be noble with you."

"Mary, I never said you and Alice shouldn't go. He has nothing against either of you; I just would rather not. Please, go and have a good time since I won't."  
"You know I never try to argue with you, Lil."

"I know."

There was a lull in the conversation after that as Lily, at least, tried to put back on the costume her friends were used to. However, she knew things couldn't quite be the same again now that they knew.

_I really should have told them sooner,_ she thought, fingering the invitation she had taken back from Alice._ Remus would be furious when he finds out._

Mary suddenly turned away from the window. "So how do you know they're not home just from _looking_ at the house?"

Lily almost laughed at the randomness of the question. "It's too quiet. Usually when they're all over there, they're making so much noise you can't think, or something's on fire." Suddenly, Lily stopped dead. "Great," she muttered under her breath. "Just great."  
"What?" Alice and Mary asked at the same time.

"They're not at Potter's house which means they must be bothering Snape."

"Don't tell me Snevillious lives around here too!" Mary exclaimed.

Lily could only nod, her thoughts too preoccupied with what was most definitely going on down the street.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Secrets They Keep**

_James' house, same day_

Lily had been right. The Marauders had just returned to James' house after playing their first "we're of age and can do magic out of school" prank.

"That was bloody brilliant!" Sirus Black shouted, throwing himself through the back door. "I can't wait to see the look on Snevillious' face when he realizes what we've done to him!"

"I doubt he'll be coming out any time soon to let you survey your handy work, Padfoot," Remus replied, his whole body shaking with laughter with every step he took.

"My handy work? That was all you, Moony my friend."

"Of course it was," James Potter said, deliberately trying to antagonize Sirus. "He's the only one who can pull it off that perfectly."

"I should kill you," Sirus threatened, taking a dangerous step towards James. "But you're my best mate. And I wouldn't want there to be any danger of you ruining all the food your house elves have graciously been cooking all week."

It was true; they had been cooking all week, and there was plenty of evidence, the boys were happy to see as they walked through the kitchen into the sitting room.

"What's all that for?" Remus asked, following the other three Marauders who plopped themselves into chairs.

"He's having a party," Peter Pettigrew answered excitedly.

"Yeah, I thought you knew," James added. "I sent you an invitation personally."  
"You didn't send it to my house did you? You know I won't be home that much this summer."  
"No, I told my owl to find you, and since she came back empty beaked, I assumed you got it. Well, no big deal," James finished, getting up then fumbling for a piece of parchment, "here, just have another one." He handed Remus the parchment he had picked up. "I figured we might as well have some fun."  
"Do you really think that's a good idea, James?" Sirus asked, trying to be as discrete as possible.

"My parents aren't home; now's perfect. I never thought you'd be the one to back out, Sirus."  
"No…" Sirus pointed to the parchment Remus was holding just as Remus finished reading the bottom line. James' eyes went wide, as Remus turned to look at him, anger burning in his eyes.

"Damn it, James!" Remus nearly shouted. "What the bloody hell is this?"

"You know I hate her!"  
"But to put it this way? You could have at least asked me not to bring her."

"And your reaction would have been any different?  
"No, damn it, but you realize she's the one who found the invitation your owl delivered? She's going to kill you! Did you ever think she may have just turned down the offer if you _had_ invited her?"

"Evans turn down a chance to make my life hell? I doubt it," James muttered, his voice finally taking on a volume that wasn't shouting.

"And I'm sure you've been a saint to her, too," Remus retorted, note even bothering to lower his voice. "I've been in the middle of your rows; you deliberately provoke her!"

"You're just sticking up for her because she always starts it."

"I should stick up for her; she's my _girlfriend_, if I remember correctly."

"And you always remember correctly," James mocked under his breath once more.

"Will you two shut up!" Sirus yelled in exasperation.

James and Remus immediately did so, but then, both fell into a moody silence.

"And the day was going so well," Peter muttered.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Lily's house, the next day_

"You look amazing," Lily breathed as Remus came out of his room on the night of James' party. "A little too good, I think. I don't want some other girl getting the idea that you're free."

"Lils, it's only a shirt and shorts," Remus replied but smiled none the less; she could always have this effect on him, and he didn't mind one bit. "Besides everyone knows I'm enamored with you."  
"Oh yeah?" she teased. "Prove it."  
"I think I can manage that," he replied, putting his hands against the wall on either side of her face, essentially trapping her, then kissing her full on the lips.

"Yeah. I could get used to that," Lily sighed.

"You mean you're not already?" Remus teased back, yet kissed her again.

Lily closed her eyes, enjoying the moment. When she looked up again, Remus was staring back at her, his face still only inches form hers.

"You sure there's no way I can get you to come? It –"

"– won't be the same without me, and I'd get the chance to makes Potter's life hell?" she finished for him. "Mary and Alice already tried. I'll be fine. Besides I can start planning ways to make him always remember seventh year. Go; it'll be fun."

"Not without you, Lils. Who will I dance with? Who will be there to stop me from making a food out of myself with James, Sirus, and Peter?"  
"Oh get out of here, you sap, before I regret even letting you go."  
"Yes, mother!" Remus called from down the stairs.

"I wouldn't want to be your mother! That wouldn't be any fun!" Lily replied then heard Remus close the door behind him.

James' house, same night

It wasn't even time for the party to start when James heard a knock on his front door. He was delighted to see Remus when he opened it and led him in. They had tried to clear up any tension in the air form their fight the day before but avoiding the subject all together, and James was quite pleased to see Remus hadn't brought his girlfriend after all.

"Welcome, welcome, Moony," James greeted exuberantly ushering his friend further into the house where Sirus and Peter were finishing some last minute preparations. "So glad you could make it."  
"The Marauders aren't complete if one of them is missing," Sirus threw in.

James shot him a glare for interrupting his speech.

"As I was saying, we're so glad you could come and help with all the last minute details." Remus raised his eyebrows but said nothing as James continued. "But how many times do I have to tell you you're quite welcome just to apperate in here."

"It's just as easy to walk," Remus cautiously replied before realizing his mistake.

"You said you wouldn't be home that much, and even if you are, that's a rather long walk."

"I'm not home, James, if you insist on this." Remus was trying to keep his tone friendly, but images of the invitation kept popping into his head. "It's the same as yesterday."  
"You were at Evans' yesterday. How often will you be there?" James could be rather thick when he wanted to be.

"All summer. Her parents are vacationing in the states so she asked me to stay."

"How'd you manage that, you dog?" Sirus exclaimed. "I wish I could get with Mary all summer. And no parents! You lucky –"

"We're not doing anything, Sirus, so get your mind away from that," Remus said harshly, cutting him off. "I'm just spending as much time with my girlfriend as possible."

"Which includes snogging her."

"Not that it's any of your business, but yes, that includes snogging her. In fact –"

This time James but Remus off. "Can we change the subject? Something other than Evans."

"If it really bothers you that much," Sirus joked.

James just glared.

"Alright, alright," Sirus surrendered, putting his hands up in mock defeat. "If you insist."  
James turned away and began to look over everything once more as Sirus inched next to Remus.

"You may get to spend the whole summer with your girlfriend," Sirus whispered so only Remus could hear, a large grin plastered on his face, "but mine will be here tonight, and I intend on taking full advantage of the situation."

"Take your own advice, Sirus," Remus hissed back, "and shut it."

Lily's house, much later that same night

Lily could hear the party at James' house in full swing later that night as she was sitting on a couch by herself reading _Romeo and Juliet_.

"This is insane!" she finally said, shutting the book just as Juliet was about to kill herself. "I can't even finish t his book without Potter butting into it, just like at school, just like always. Well, if Potter's going to ruin my night, I might as well have the capacity to ruin his." Something she knew her mere presence could do.

So grabbing her wand, she headed out to the field behind her house that ran parallel to their street. She had been walking alone for ten minutes, muttering to herself when a shadow in the distance caught her attention. Walking a little faster, she continued to quicken her pace until she heard a voice.

"Still talking to yourself, Evans?" Severous Snape asked as a greeting.

"Ah, you know me too well, Snape," Lily returned. "So what are you doing out here at this time of night?"

"I could ask you the same, but I'll assume we're both trying to escape Potter." He spat the name out with more loathing than even Lily could muster.

"Yeah, but at least you didn't get specifically excluded."

"I'm pretty sure his invite didn't include, what is it – 'greasy-nosed, slime ball Slytherins'."

"True, but…" and Lily proceeded to tell him about James' invitation. "So I should be dancing with my boyfriend right now, or at least be with my friends…"

Snape scoffed. "Boyfriend."

"Yes, Sanpe, my boyfriend, Remus Lupin."

"Yes, the resident werewolf. You sure he won't make a mistake and bite you one of these days?"

"Lay off him, Snape. You missed your chance when you got involved with all of that nonsense. Your blood's not much purer than mine."

"It's not only about that, Evans."  
"Come on, let's just drop it. We were having such a good Potter-bashing session."

The two of them returned to staying anything and everything behind James Potter's back, but the tension in the air could not be cleared. Despite that fact, however, they made fun out of an otherwise boring, lonely evening.

Lily's house, very early the next morning

Lily and Severous were sleeping on Lily's back porch, and it looked like they had fallen asleep staring up at the ceiling. Lily had her hands pillowed under her head, but Severous was still on his back, facing the ceiling, hands behind his head as if to cushion it. The noise from the party across the street had finally quieted down some as people began to leave, and crickets could finally be heard again. However, that was not the sound Lily woke up to; she didn't open her eyes, but it sounded like someone was throwing stones against a window.

_They better not break the screen_, she thought absent-mindedly before rolling on her back to try to go back to sleep.

"Lily!" she heard a voice call.

"Lily!" a second one called even louder.

She mentally swore and tried to wake herself up enough so that she would have the coordination to stand. _Please don't wake Snape up_, she thought, almost running into her yard where, sure enough, Alice and Mary were throwing stones against her bedroom window.

"Lily!" they cried in relief when they saw her rushing up to them.

"Guys," she whispered harshly, "shut up. What are you two doing here?"

"We came to give you Remus back," Mary explained in a whisper, catching the mood. Only then did Lily see that the two of them were dragging Remus behind them. He was looking utterly miserable and wouldn't lift his eyes from the ground.

"What happened to him?"

"Sirus spiked the punch, and the water, and, well, everything," Alice explained.

"But Sirus always does that! He, of all people, should know to stay away from anything liquid if Sirus is around!"

"I think he's just drowning in self-pity, personally. Would you mind dealing with him, Lil? I'm not in the spirit for mope-y boyfriends tonight."

"Sure, Mary. Thanks for bringing him back."

Mary didn't reply, only waved along with Alice as they headed back to James' house. Lily took Remus by the hand and led him back to her house through the porch.

"You're not going to die on me tonight if I leave you alone, are you, Rem?" Lily asked playfully but really quite concerned.

"I'm not drunk, Lils," Remus replied in a voice that didn't completely convince her.

"But you were drinking. Shouldn't you know by now that Sirus spikes everything?"

"What else was I supposed to do? Everyone else was…busy."

"Why stay then?" Lily asked, lowering her voice as they entered the porch.

"I didn't want – Snape?" he interrupted himself catching sight of the Slytherin sleeping on the ground.

"Hush," Lily commanded, pulling Remus over to the house. "I don't want you to wake him up. He…doesn't sleep well."

"I thought you two weren't friends anymore. You aren't two-timing me, are you?"

"With him? Only in his dreams." She muttered the second part so low that even Remus standing next to her couldn't hear. "Why don't you go upstairs and sleep this off. He'll be gone before morning."

"And what if I really don't want to leave you again?" Remus asked, sitting on the ground right next to where Lily had previously been sleeping.

"Have it your way." She really wasn't in the mood to argue the point. Snape would leave as soon as he woke up, no matter if Remus was next to her or in a room above, she just really didn't want to add insult to injury by having him with her.

"You know, I always thought it'd be Potter who'd get you," Severous had said last night as they were walking in the direction of her house. "He's been drooling over you his whole life."

Lily brushed the thought out of her head as she laid down next to Remus. Potter had always made her life miserable.

"So what were you and Sne – Snape doing?" Remus asked, wrapping his arms around Lily's waist as he laid down then proceeded to make them comfortable.

"Potter-bashing," Lily replied simply, really just wanting to sleep.

"Old habits die hard, I see."

"Exactly what he said."

Remus and Lily lapsed into a comfortable silence. The night outside was finally still, and Lily was just about to drift off to sleep when Remus' voice jolted her back to consciousness once more.

"James showed me the invitation." Remus paused but continued when Lily made no response. "We got into a huge row about it. He hates that I always defend you."

Lily was still silent but replied after a moment. "Thanks, Rem."

He pulled her closer in response, and they both fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Lily's house, mid-August_

Lily was in the middle of Charles Dickens' _Great Expectations_ when she heard a faint knock. At first, she figured that it was just a noise from upstairs where Remus was taking a shower. She really wished the noise would stop; the book was having enough trouble keeping her attention as it was, but it just kept getting louder.

"The door!" she said suddenly, mentally slapping herself while jumping up to answer the knocking. "Who could it be? I'm not expecting anyone."

With her book still in hand, thumb marking the page, Lily threw open the door to find James standing on the other side.

"What do you want, Potter?" she growled, staring him down harshly.

"Nice to see you, too, Evans," James replied with a smirk while pushing past her into the house. "Haven't been here for a while," he added, seating himself where Lily had been only a minute before.

"What do you want?"

"Your manners haven't changed a bit, I see."

Lily clenched her teeth and closed her eyes, breathing in and out, trying desperately to keep calm. "You've pushed your way in, and now you're just attempting to provoke me. Tell me why you're over or get out."

"Where's your boyfriend, Evans? I still can't believe your parents would actually let him stay at your pious house all summer."

"He's in the shower, Potter, though I can hardly accept that that knowledge is the only reason you've decided to torture me on this lovely day."

"No, of course not. I really just wanted to see what you're reading," James said, eyeing the book in Lily's hand. In one swoop, he grabbed it from her, ignoring her protests of "hey, you just lost my place". "I know we have to read boring books for school, but I never knew you did it for pleasure, too."

"It's a classic," she spat out. "Not that you would understand."

"You're not talking to yourself again, are you, Lils?" Remus called, and both Lily and James froze as they heard the stairs begin to creek. James stood up suddenly and headed for the front door.

"My parents want you and Petunia over for dinner tonight," he was saying as Remus entered the room. "Six o'clock."

With that, he forcefully tossed the book back to Lily and rushed out of the house. As soon as the door had slammed behind him, Lily threw the book across the room, missing Remus by mere inches.

"Lily, are you okay?" he asked as she began to shake out of anger before collapsing into his arms.

"What's the worst part of this?" she asked, more to herself than Remus. "The fact that he can do this to me, that I have to spend a night pretending to play nice, or that I have to call my sister who I'm pretty sure didn't want to hear from me all summer?"

"At least he can't do this much to you with his parents around."

"You'd be surprised what we can pull off behind his parents' backs. The looks one can give while asking to pass the salt."

"And I thought he always started everything."

"He does. That will be for today."

Now that Remus had lightened her mood significantly, he felt he could safely inquire after what had happened.

"So what did he do this time?" Remus asked, pulling Lily onto the couch next to him.

"The usual," Lily replied but without the menace she had had a few minutes prior. "Forced entry, making fun of what I was reading, wouldn't tell me what he wanted until he heard you… The usual," she repeated. "I hate him."

"I know," was all Remus could think of as a reply.

"Think you can find something to do tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll just go bother Peter. He said he's usually bored during the summer; he won't mind. I'll be back around nine so you can rant all about it."

"Thanks, Rem," Lily replied while standing. "I better call Petunia. She won't be happy, but it'll give her time to calm down."

"Have fun," Remus called.

"Oh, I will."

Lily walked slowly up the stairs into her parents' room where the phone was. Sure, there was one in the kitchen, but she wanted a little more privacy for this call.

Closing the door behind her, Lily picked up the phone and began to dial as she sat down on the bed. She listened to the phone ring on the other end, praying desperately that someone would pick up. Today was not the day for Petunia and her fiancé to be out.

"Hello?" a voice said. "Dursley here."

"Hi, Vernon," Lily said, making her voice as cheery as possible. "Can I speak to my sister, please?"

Lily thought she heard grumbling in the background, but in a minute, Petunia was on the other line.

"What, freak?"

"It's nice to know you're having a pleasant summer, too. I just wanted to tell you that the Potters are having us over for dinner."

"And this concerns me, why?"

"Because I'm sure Mrs. Potter will tell Mum that you were missing from the event, and I don't know about you, but I want to spend the rest of the summer with my boyfriend. Both of us will be grounded for life if any of this gets out."

Petunia seemed to think for a minute as there was dead silence on the other line. "What time?  
"Six."

"I'll be home in an hour."

Petunia hung up the phone with a click, and Lily did the same a few moments later. Well, at least that was finished.

_James' house, same day_

"Petunia, Lily, it's wonderful to see you two again. I'm sorry we haven't had you over sooner, but Charlus and I have been quite busy this summer."

"It's fine, Mrs. Potter," Lily answered following Petunia into the Potters' house. "We've been keeping ourselves pretty busy, too."

"James told me he hasn't seen either of you around your house lately. He said he was lucky to catch you available earlier today."

Petunia looked slightly uncomfortable, and Lily picked up on the fact quickly.

"Can I talk to James for a minute, please?" Lily asked.

"Of course, dear. He and Sirus should be down any minute now. Why don't you go take a seat at the table, Petunia, and Lily, go into the sitting room. I'll send James in as soon as he's ready."

"Thanks," Lily replied as Petunia nodded. The sisters split, not reluctantly, and Lily set a mission of finding something to amuse herself with, knowing how much James could stall when he had reason to. However, she was quite surprised when he walked into the room on a few minutes after she had.

"My mum said you wanted to see me, Evans."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Now who wants to get right to the point?"

"So I suppose you think this is fun for me."

"And earlier this afternoon was fun for me? It's only tit for tat."

"You know you like it."  
"Don't let Remus hear you saying that. Or are you trying to antagonize him?"

"Shut up, Evans. Are you going to tell me now what you want, or should I just leave you alone?"

"Well, normally, I'd go for the second one, but in this case, I do actually have something to say to you. Don't breathe a word to your parents that Remus is at my house. Not only do I get busted, but Petunia does, too."

"You know, seeing the perfect Evans in trouble does sound rather appealing."

"Yes, and telling your parents that you are an illegal animagus sounds quite appealing as well."

"How…what…" James sputtered, and Lily was quite glad to see she had finally rendered him speechless. The thought made her laugh a little which then caused James to turn on her. "You think this is funny, Evans? I don't think those two quite equal each other. And not only would that incriminate me but Sirus and Peter as well!"

"I can keep them out of it," Lily replied still smirking. "Grounded for life is grounded for life – which is what we'd both face from our parents, no matter what the consequences from the Ministry. So do we have a deal, Potter?" Lily finally asked, sticking out her hand.

James grabbed it and shook forcefully, almost to the point of pain. "Some things may just…slip from my mouth, like how I saw Remus at your house earlier today."

"And then I will feel free to add how you bolted out the door as soon as he had entered the room. That would take quite a bit of explaining, and I really don't think Remus would like you jeopardizing his chance of spending the summer at my house. You don't seem to be on very solid terms right now."

"Keep your little know-it-all nose in your own business," James spat, and Lily knew she had touched a sore spot.

"It is my business; he's my boyfriend."

"Doesn't that make you feel special? Remus was better off before you."

"Listen, Potter. I'm getting really sick of this conversation really fast. Do we have a deal or no?"  
James looked long and hard a Lily, feeling his stomach knot up; he needed to get out of there.

"You're calling the shots today, Evans, but don't expect it too much in the future."

With that, he turned and walked out of the room, joining Sirus who (Lily assumed) had been listening at the doorway. James tried to play it cool, but Lily could tell his usual spirit wasn't in it; she was glad that she had finally gotten to him as much as he normally got to her.

Following a couple of paces behind, Lily too entered the dining area and took her regular seat next to Petunia. The elder Evans looked over at the younger as she was seated.

"I didn't know you were that friendly with him." Petunia tried to put a harsh sarcastic edge on her words, but Lily could hear the underlying question. It would have been easy to not answer and keep her guessing, but Lily decided to satisfy Petunia's curiosity just this once (seeing as how she was working to keep them both out of trouble).

"I told him not to say anything about Remus being at our house this summer, and, consequently, no one knows that you haven't been home but at Vernon's."

"And you got him to agree to that!" Petunia couldn't help but keep the amazement out of her voice. She knew from experience that James Potter could be the most stubborn of all people, and it was quite clear from past dealings (outside of the influence of parents, of course) that Lily and James were not the types of people who made deals easily with one another.

"With a little blackmail," Lily replied, just in time for James and Sirus to hear as the entered the room. The sisters ignored the boys who returned the favor.

"Anything good?"

"Something from school."

"Freak," Petunia muttered and turned away. At the mention of Hogwarts (Lily's boarding school that she attended with James, Sirus, Remus, Peter, Mary, and Alice because they were all wizards or witches), Petunia's sisterly bonds with Lily broke – something that did not escape the notice of either boy. James glared at her, still clearly angry about before, but Sirus looked over, almost curiously. Lily, however, tried her best to ignore them both.

"Oh, good, you're all here," Mrs. Potter said entering the room, followed closely by her husband. "I was just about to send Charlus looking for you. Why don't the five of you start to chat, and I'll be back with dinner in a few minutes."

Mr. Potter took a seat at the table while addressing the two sisters.

"Petunia, Lily, it's so nice to finally see you both. We're sorry we didn't have you over sooner, but Dorea and I have been traveling all summer for the Ministry, and it's just been quite impossible. We've barely been home at all. But what about the two of you? What have your summer's been like?"

"Fine," Lily quickly answered. "Uneventful, just staying around the house mostly."

Mr. Potter turned then to Petunia.

"The same here," she added right away. "I've just been going out with Vernon a lot."

"Oh, yes, your fiancé," Mr. Potter recalled.

Mrs. Potter came out with dinner at that moment, and Lily sprang up to help her.

"Thank you, Lily dear, but you're the guest here, you really don't have to do that."

"It's no problem, Mrs. Potter," Lily replied. "I don't mind. Being away at school all year, I miss helping my mum out like that and with her away all summer…it's my pleasure."

Petunia and James both shot Lily the same look of disgust. Her sister turned away almost immediately, but James kept his eyes locked with hers.

"Brown-noser," he mouthed while his parents' attention was elsewhere; Lily just smirked as she sat down.

"Are you still seeing Remus, Lily?" Mrs. Potter asked, and Lily nodded. "Good. He's such a nice boy, and he'll definitely treat you right. I've always liked Remus. There's just something…different about him."

This time, Lily, James, and Sirus all shared the same look, one of pure worry. Mrs. Potter didn't notice, however, and just continued.

"He's so mature, for one so young – always has been, as far as I can remember. But so polite."

"Did I tell you I saw Remus earlier today, Mum?" James asked, trying to change the subject. Lily quickly turned and shot him a warning glance, and it was James' turn to smirk.

"No, you hadn't told me that, James. I didn't realize he lived around here."

"He was at Lily's, Mum."

"Oh. That's nice that the three of you got together. I suppose that's why it took you so long." Both Lily and James looked uncomfortable at that statement, but if Mrs. Potter noticed, she didn't make any mention, just moved on. "Have you seen Remus often this summer, Lily?"

"We've been doing a lot, especially since Petunia's out so much with Vernon. I really don't like to be home alone."

"Well, you know you're always welcome here."

Lily had to physically force a smile to her face while James had to fight the look of disgust that was creeping over his. It wasn't that Lily didn't love the Potters as much as her own parents, she just couldn't imagine being forced to spend any more time with James.

"Thank you, Mrs. Potter. I'll keep that in mind."

The rest of dinner went pretty smoothly, without too many more hidden quips back and forth between James and Lily. They played the part of friendly neighbors, James sticking to his end of the deal and Lily not mentioning anything of her blackmail or his deteriorating relationship with Remus.

Then the meal was over, and after fifteen more minutes of friendly chatter, Lily and Petunia politely excused themselves. Mrs. Potter jumped up right away remarking on the time before leading the sisters to the door. Petunia rushed out right away while Mrs. Potter continued to talk to Lily.

"I know you're well aware that you're going into your final year of school. It's still rather early to think about what you might want to do after school, and with the track you're on, you could really go anywhere. Perhaps consider the Ministry. I know that you're aware of what's going on the world; we could really use a mind like yours."

Lily tired not to let her smile fade, but it was difficult when she thought about the topic. Some wizard had taken to calling himself "Lord Voldemort" and was trying to attract followers to purge the world of Muggleborns, such as herself. He had been rising to power ever since her first year at Hogwarts, and there had been a demonstration about a block away from her when she was in Diagon Ally for the first time. Thankfully, Professor McGonagall, the Head of Gryffindor and Transfiguration professor, had been with her at the time and knew what to do. Still, every time Lily looked back, she was the event through the eyes of an eleven-year old, and the memory sent chills through her body.

"And I'm always here if you need any advice or guidance." Mrs. Potter's words snapped Lily out of her reverie.

"Thanks, Mrs. Potter. I'll see what happens."

Lily said her good-byes and left the house. As she passed the threshold, a giant weight was eased off of her shoulders, much more comfortable to be out of the presence of James. Lily was about to exhale deeply when a hand reached out from the dark and grabbed her shoulder, causing her to gasp and consequently start to cough wildly.

"Nice show, Lily."

"What are you trying to do, kill me, Black?" Lily questioned violently when she could speak again.

"I'm just giving you a complement, no need to get harsh with me," Sirus replied lightly, falling in next to Lily and continuing to walk with her down the driveway. "As I was saying, that little act of yours would have fooled Alice and Mary…but just barely. You can play better than that."

"What does it matter to you? You're just watching."

"Don't you ever get tired of your little act?"

"What act? It's no secret that I hate him."

"Then why do you try so hard to pretend it is? Or is that hatred just an act to hide something else?"

Sirus saw Lily get that indigent look on her face, and he held up a hand to stop her from speaking.

"Let me ask you another question: do Mary and Alice know yet? From what Mary always says, she seems to think that the two of you are on perfectly marvelous terms."

"As a matter of face, they do know. I told them earlier this simmer," Lily replied with all the pride she could. While her voice sounded strong though, she was shaking on the inside. Sirus' questions were getting to her – something she was sure he knew – but she couldn't tell exactly why they were getting her so upset.

"In other words, you kept it _secret_ for six year." Sirus held up his hand again just as Lily was about to retort. "Friends shouldn't keep secrets from each other. Look at the Marauders: we know everything about each other."

"And that will get you all killed some day."

"You're entangled in our web, too; one way or another. Don't forget that."

Lily and Sirus had just reached Lily's front door at which point she stopped and began to study him.

"Why are you so interested in this all of the sudden?"

"James is my best mate; I'm only looking out for his best interests."

"I'm not in his best interests, Sirus."

"Okay, Lily," he replied, letting the subject drop, but Lily could tell that he wasn't convinced.

Suddenly, the door opened, almost hitting Lily in the back, and Petunia shot an impatient look into the dark at her sister.

"Are you coming in any time tonight?" Petunia asked shortly. "I don't have all night."

"I'm coming," Lily replied meekly as Sirus shot her another curious look.

"Think about what I said," Sirus told Lily finally as she turned to follow her sister into the house.

"Are you leaving then?" Lily asked as she passed through the door.

"Of course, I'm not spending any more time than I have to with two freaks," Sirus heard Petunia reply as the door closed. That really peaked his curiosity. His home life was far from perfect (the prime reason he lived with James), and it was familiar – though not comforting – to see Lily treated like that by her sister. Plus, it brought out a side of her that was rarely seen by anyone. James almost never mentioned Petunia when telling stories about growing up with Lily. However, come to think of it, James never really even mentioned Lily when talking about growing up; he preferred to remember how much he tortured Severous Snape. The more Sirus thought about it, the more it seemed like there was more here than met the eye.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Lily's house, a week later_

Two owls began to tap on Lily's window one day about two weeks before the beginning of term just as she was about to sit down on her bed and curl up next to Remus. So instead of leaning back, she bounced up and let the birds in. They made one pass of her room before dropping two letters on her bed and flying back out of the window, which Lily closed behind them.

Both Lily and Remus recognized the Hogwarts' seal immediately and anxiously tore through the parchment. A badge fell out into Lily's hand, and she turned it over with anticipation.

"I got Head Girl!" she cried, throwing her arms around Remus who kissed her in response.

"Of course you did," Remus replied. "The professors have only had you marked out since first year. Everyone knew you would get it."

"Yeah, but I always said that I wouldn't believe it until I actually had the badge in my hands."

"And now you have it."

With that, Remus took a look at the badge that had fallen out of the letter along with his supply list. "Prefect" Lily was able to read upside down, and she stood back suddenly.

"You can't be a Prefect, Remus!" she exclaimed, and he could tell that she really was surprised and upset. "You're supposed to be Head Boy with me!"

"Lils, you know I can't, not after that thing with Snape. He'd be all over me."

"But he had to swear not to tell. He took an Unbreakable Vow!"

Remus and Lily were referring to an event a few years ago. Snape had gotten curious about Remus' monthly absences so Sirus decided to tell him how to get past the Whomping Willow which was the entrance to where Remus transformed into a werewolf every month. If it hadn't been for James, Snape would have been dead or joining Remus in his monthly outings.

"Well, then it's not like Snape could get Head," Lily continued stubbornly.

"You never know. Dumbledore may be trying to promote inter-house unity," Remus replied trying to see the logical side of everything and to get the topic away from his lycanthropy.

"And definitely not that bloke from Ravenclaw – Andrew Carvel. He wouldn't be up to the job. For a Ravenclaw, he sure doesn't fit your typical image. Cares way too much about his body than his mind. Being Muggleborn doesn't help him either; he discovered steroids about third year."

"Steroids?" Remus asked. While he did take Muggle Studies, Remus was from a Pure Blood family, meaning his whole family tree was magical, for the most part. Therefore, he didn't know everything about the ways Lily had grown up with from birth.

So Lily explained the muscle enhancements to Remus then proceeded to list every other Prefect from their year and why Remus was so much better than any of them.

"So you want to go to Diagon Ally tomorrow?" Remus asked when Lily had finished her tirade.

She immediately looked uncomfortable and turned to Remus, pleading with her eyes.

"Please, can't we wait until next week? I'm really not ready."

Every year, Lily, Alice, and Mary would meet up with James, Sirus, Remus, and Peter at Diagon Ally. Lily always dreaded the event because it was the first indication that school was arriving and the start of her act with James. There was no year that she actually looked forward to this trip, and she knew the final visit would be the worst. Alice and Mary would be watching to see if they could detect what was going on between herself and Potter, and it would be just more stressful than usual. Remus had finally forgiven James about the invitation, but he hadn't forgotten it, which would be the added stress seeing as Remus usually played peacekeeper between the two.

"Lily, I can't go next week," Remus said forcefully, searching her eyes to find the understanding. "It's too close."

Lily mentally smacked herself, hard. Why hadn't she been more considerate? Her boyfriend was going to undergo a painful transformation in the next week, and here she was trying to make her own life a little easier.

"I'm sorry, Rem," she said, her voice filled with the apology. "I wasn't thinking. Of course, we can go tomorrow. I'll just go find Alice and Mary, and you can tell the rest of the Marauders."

Remus nodded with a smile, the silent thanks all over his face.

"I know it's a lot to ask, Lils, but it really means the world to me."

Lily managed to smile back but changed the subject nonetheless. "Are you coming back once this one is over or will your parents want you to go to the station with them?"

"I'll let you know later; I still haven't talked to them about it. Besides, won't your parents be home by then anyway?"

"Yeah, you're right," Lily managed reluctantly. "I supposed that wouldn't be the best of plans."

"Come on, cheer up." Remus could clearly hear the disappointed tone of her voice. "I'll owl you for the week I won't see you, and before you know it, we'll be back on the Hogwarts Express."

Lily did her best to smile, hugged Remus, then prepared to apperate to Alice's house.


	6. Chapter 6

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Diagon Ally, the next day_

It was overcast when Lily, Remus, James, and Sirus met up with Alice, Mary, and Peter at the entrance to Diagon Ally, but the forecast had promised a bright day. Sure enough, by the time the seven had exchanged greetings, the sun was starting to peak out from behind the clouds.

"So did our favorite Prefects become the new Heads?" Mary asked as they began to walk along the street, headed first for Flourish and Blotts.

"Half of them did," Remus replied with a smile. "But we all knew Lily would make Head Girl from the moment she answered her first question in class." He had his arm slung over Lily's shoulders and pulled her closer as he talked. However, as soon as the last word left his mouth, she was torn away from him by all of the hugs enveloping her.

"I can't wait to work with you, Lily," James said, amidst all of that without so much as batting an eye.

Lily's mind went blank for a minute, and if Alice and Mary hadn't still been embracing her within inches of her life, she would have given herself away.

"Congratulations on making Head Boy," Lily finally managed to get out. Her voice was perfectly civil, pleasant in every way possible, but she was a mess inside. "It will be an interesting year."

They started to walk on again, the year seeming suddenly more exciting now that James and Lily would be in charge. Lily's thoughts were on somewhat of a different path though, something Remus could tell just by the look on her face.

"At least we know it's not Snape," he joked trying to lighten her mood. Lily's mouth smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes, causing Remus concern. "You'll get through it, Lils. He's not really that bad. There's a reason Dumbledore chose him."

"Unless we've fooled Dumbledore, too."

"No one fools Dumbledore."

Lily chose not to reply, instead sped up her pace a little to catch up to her friends. Remus signed but joined her only seconds later.

_Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor, a few hours later_

"I need to go to the Owl Emporium," Lily said later that day as the seven sat eating ice cream

"You go there every year, Lily, and your owl has yet to suddenly drop dead on you," James said with a glint in his eyes. To anyone else, it just sounded like he was trying to get her to not waste her time, but Lily knew he was making fun of her. The first time they ended up alone after this visit, he would tear her to pieces over this, the same thing that happened every year.

"But if she does, I'd like to be prepared," Lily replied. In truth, she didn't think her owl would die any time soon, it was just that that store was the only one into which no one would follow her, and she needed the time away from James to put herself back together.

"I'll go with you," Sirus said totally unexpectedly. "I need owl treats."

He rose from his chair, leaving no choice but for Lily to follow him down the street. She peered at him curiously, trying to discern just from his stance what he was doing.

"What is this, Sirus?" she asked finally, not able to take the silence anymore. "I've never knew you to buy an owl treat in your life."

"You haven't known me that long, Lily," Sirus replied calmly. He could hear the stress in her voice and wondered how much longer until she cracked. So he continued along in silence for a few more minutes before asking his next question. "So I see we're still playing this little game, even though we all know it's an act."

Sirus didn't look over, but he could nearly feel Lily stiffen beside him.

"We have to act this way, Sirus," she tried to explain calmly, but he could tell she really didn't want to have this conversation. "We're the Heads this year. People will expect us to get along and work together; Dumbledore expects it."

"Dumbledore knows what's going on. Not much escapes his notice."

"That doesn't change the facts at all."

"Okay, let's change the subject slightly. How are you two going to complete your duties without killing each other? How will you two share a dorm when you can't be in a room along together without biting each others' heads off? We won't be there to tear you two apart anymore."

"Nothing says we can't spend just one more hour pretending things work out. Nothing says we even have to use that dorm!"

"Dumbledore did this for a reason, Lily. He won't let you get off unless what he wants happens."

"Again, I must ask: why are you so interested in this, Sirus?"

"Again, I must reply: James is my best mate; I'm only looking out for his best interest."

Lily shook her head in disbelief. She really had no clue what Sirus was trying to get at. And what was with that line he kept repeating? James' best interest? Lily was still pretty sure that she was not in that best interest, nor did she want to be.

"And what's between you and your sister?" Sirus asked, jarring Lily from her thoughts.

"It's something I'm sure you would understand," Lily answered, stepping into the shop and holding the door for Sirus. "My family's not as messed up as yours, but we have some of the same issues."

Sirus studied Lily for a minute, not bothering to relieve her of the door she was still holding.

"You're right," he finally said. "I haven't bought an owl treat in my whole life."

With that, Sirus turned away, leaving Lily still holding the door open and feeling stupider by the minute. Shaking her head for what seemed like the millionth time that day, Lily entered the store fully and let the door swing shut behind her. She desperately needed to collect her thoughts this year.


	7. Chapter 7

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Lily's house, three days until school_

Dear Lily,

Your father and I have decided to extend our stay in the States for another few weeks. We got to California as planned, and your father absolutely fell in love with the place. He was not content with just the short, few days we had here and insisted on seeing the whole state – in great depth.

What this really means is that we won't be home to see you off to school this year, but don't worry. I talked to Dorea Potter, and she said she'd be glad to take you along when she brings James to Kings Cross. I'll be calling sometime within the week to make sure you received this and have all the instructions.

I send all of my love so share some with Petunia.

Love,

Mum

Lily had received this letter only a few days ago and was expecting a call from her mum any day. Actually, from the anxious, feeling she was getting, she was beginning to think the call would come any second.

Sure enough, the phone rang within the minute.

"Hello?"

"Afternoon, Flower," the feminine voice on the other end greeted cheerfully.

"Hi, Mum," Lily replied trying to make her voice as carefree as possible. "So Dad really liked California I hear."

"He just fell in love as soon as we reached the border and insisted on seeing the whole state. I guess you got my letter then?"

"Yeah. Just two or three days ago."

"I really hope you don't mind, sweetie, that we won't be home to see you off to school."

"No, Mum, it's fine. I just don't see why I have to go to the station with the Potters. I can apperate there on my own. Or if you insist on me going with someone, I could always go with Remus. He wouldn't mind."

"Don't whine, Lily," her mum commanded gently. "I already talked to Dorea, and it's all set up. You'll go over there at 8:30 on September first."

"But Mum –"

"Don't argue, Lily. They live right across the street, they all love you…" Lily rolled her eyes at this. "…it's easier than sending you to Remus'."

"Do you not trust me to go to Remus'? We've been dating for two years, and we haven't done anything!"

"This is my final word, Lily. It's already set up and not open to debate. If you have nothing else to tell me, can I talk to Petunia?"

"She's out with Vernon, Mum," Lily said through clenched teeth. There was no way she wanted to go to Kings Cross with James Potter, but it seemed like her mum had boxed her into a corner.

"She hasn't been home any time that I've called. Is she ever there?"

"Vernon's her fiancé, Mum," Lily explained, painstakingly slowly. "They go out a lot."

"But _every_ time I've called?"

"You don't call that often. And they're out almost every day." Lily heard her mum hesitate on the other end, a good indication that she didn't believe her daughter. "She doesn't like being here, Mum," Lily added grudgingly.

The voice on the other end let the topic drop, and mothered and daughter switched to a completely different topic. After about fifteen minutes, Mrs. Evans heard her husband restless to go out so bid Lily good-bye and hung up. Lily had never been so glad in her life to end a phone call.


	8. Chapter 8

**The Secrets They Keep**

_James' house, September first_

Eight thirty, on the dot, Lily knocked on the door of the Potters' house. She was desperately hoping that Mr. or Mrs. Potter would open the door, but it seemed that fate was against her for when the door opened, James was on the other side, grinning evilly.

"Fancy seeing you here, Evans," he said in his most fake charming voice. "Couldn't wait until the train to see me, had to come to my house, too? Or has your owl died lately and you want to rub it into my face?"

"Couldn't you just let Sirus ask me pointless questions instead of keeping me outside your door all day." Lily just ignored the last part of his remark.

"Oh, Lily, there you are!" Mrs. Potter called, stopping Lily and James' banter. "I was just about to send James over to get you. Just load your stuff into the car. It's already unlocked."

Lily did as she was told, and no sooner than she had finished, Sirus came over to the car with his trunk.

"Heard you're coming to Kings Cross with us, Lily," he said, a smile plastered all over his face. "Ready for the hour and a half ride?"

"Shut up, Sirus," she replied shortly. "I'm really not in the mood for this right now."

"But you'll be playing the perfect Head in two hours, right?"  
"Yes, in two hours, but right now I feel like being an absolute witch."  
"Nice to see. I'll just leave you alone then."

"Thanks, Sirus. It means a lot."

"We don't try to make your life difficult, Lily."

"Remind me of that tomorrow morning."

Lily then cut off the conversation and climbed into the back seat followed closely by Sirus. Soon after, James and his mum climbed into the front seat, and they started to drive. No one talked much during the ride, and Lily could almost let herself drift off to sleep. However, she knew it was never a good idea to sleep around James Potter so she managed to keep herself awake the whole time.

At the station, they quickly passed through the barrier between platforms nine and ten then found a compartment. In a few minutes, Mary drifted in, then Alice, then finally Peter and Remus only seconds before the train left the station.

"I've missed you so much," Lily signed throwing herself at Remus as soon as he entered.

"It's only been two weeks, Lils," Remus replied with a smile, clearly recovered from the full moon, but kissed her anyway.

"Come on, Lily," James said abruptly, leaving the compartment. "We have to go to the Prefect meeting."

Lily cast a confused glance around the room before following James down to where the Prefects would be waiting.

The meeting went smoothly, after the first initial shock for James being made Head Boy without ever being a Prefect. Both he and Lily had to deal with the Slytherins' jeers, but that was never anything new. After that first trial was over, they went back to their own compartment and spent the rest of the ride joking with their friends – Lily and James keeping their distance as they did every year.

Alice and Mary would look between the two every so often, noting their relative positions and then going back to whatever conversations they had been previously involved in. Sirus noticed their behavior about halfway through the journey, and as soon as Lily was alone staring out of the window, he came over to join her.

"Hey, Sirus," she said without looking over at him. "Come with any more maddening insights?"

"Funny, Lily," he replied with a dry laugh. "Mary and Alice have been glancing your way a lot lately."

"They're just noticing now that Potter and I haven't been anywhere near each other for the whole ride. But they won't remember it's always been this way."

"If you had let them know in the beginning, they'd be used to it by now."

"Or, they still wouldn't notice anything if I hadn't told them. Besides, Mary had a giant crush on you from the second she laid eyes on you, and everyone hit it off so well together those first few days, I didn't want to split the House. It's always best to let people make their own impressions of others."

Sirus ignored most of what Lily told him; she always used the same excuses.

"What made you tell them now?"

"The explicit instructions he put on his invitation."

"Yeah, not his finest hour," Sirus admitted. "Nor was showing Remus. They had a giant row over that."

"I know; he told me." Lily was silent for a moment. "I still don't understand your motives in all this, Sirus. Why does it interest you so much?"

"I just think there's a deeper story than what either of you is sharing, and it interests me. Besides I'm sure you have motives that I don't understand – so I guess we're even."

Lily shook her head and went back to contemplating something outside of the window. Sirus didn't press the matter any further, but he didn't make any more to leave. Only when Mary came over to him was his attention drawn elsewhere.

Gryffindor Common Room, later that day

"I can't believe that this is our last year here," Alice was saying as the seven seventh years were seated around the fire in the Gryffindor Tower after the Welcome Back Feast. Dinner had been the usual affair, and once James, Lily, and Remus had led the first years to the Tower and shown them the dorms, they had all collected here for their last first night back.

"I think I'm going to bed," Lily said around ten-thirty, standing up.

"So early, Lil?" Mary asked. "It's the first night!"

"Which means we have classes tomorrow. I'm not used to getting up that early yet."

"Party pooper," Mary replied but said goodnight along with everyone else.

"See you tomorrow, Lily," James added as she was leaving, and Lily tried not to cringe.

"Yeah…bright and early," she replied weakly before entering her dorm. She slowly got changed, relishing the silence that wouldn't be available any other time this year.

The door opened quickly, shattering the silence just as Lily was climbing under her covers. Alice and Mary came into the dorm just a little too quickly after Lily for her to let it pass her notice. However, she didn't say anything, just silently cast a shield charm over herself. It was useless, she knew, but at least she could say she tried.

"What was that about, Lil?" Mary asked bluntly, sitting down on her bed, staring at Lily.

Lily just grunted and rolled over, keeping under the invisible boundary of her charm. It was one of the strongest she knew, but it would also dissipate as soon as she fell asleep, rendering it practically useless.

"The conversation, Lily," Alice added in a much kinder voice. "We're just curious."

"It's the same conversation we've had every year on the first night back."

"But…"  
"Guys, things aren't changing this year. It's going to be the same as always. You're just noticing everything we've always been doing for the first time. Just stop worrying about it."

In a last desperate attempt, Lily strengthened her shield charm then promptly tried to fall asleep. Even though she laid awake for about half an hour, Alice and Mary didn't press the matter any farther, and they eventually climbed into bed, too.


	9. Chapter 9

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Girls' dorm, five a.m._

Lily woke up a split second before she was drenched with scalding water. At least she thought she woke up first because after a minute, the pain became so intense that she couldn't think of anything besides the fact that she was biting her tongue to keep from screaming.

Seconds later, just as the water was cooling, and Lily was starting to shiver, ice water fell from the ceiling, soaking Lily and her bed for the second time that morning. There was no doubt about it, she was truly shivering now and cursing James Potter with every fiber of her body.

Slowly, shaking from rage and chills, Lily reached over, found her wand, and dried off herself and her bed. However, that did nothing to halt the cold that was slowly seeping into her bones. She kept a firm grip on her wand as she made her way out of the dorm and down into the Common Room, and she wasn't surprised at all to see James sitting in front of the dead embers grinning up at her as she made her decent.

"Scalding water," she hissed as she neared him, her voice rising with every syllable. "You dumped _scalding_ water on me! What the bloody hell are you trying to do, kill me?"

"Just wanted you to be on fire for the new year," James was answering as Sirus came down the stairs to see Lily gripping her wand tightly, ready to raise it at any second.

"Let me take that," he said running over to where the two had situated themselves. He gently eased Lily's wand out of her hand and cast a silencing charm around the two. Neither noticed but continued with their row.

"I only saw one of us on fire, and that was drenched pretty quickly," Lily had finished saying to James by the time all of Sirus' precautionary measures were in place.

"Well, that one's tradition," James answered.

"Yeah, lovely tradition: the girl who always had a cold the first day of school."  
"If you know it's coming, Evans, why don't you protect against it."

"Because that'll really daunt you," Lily mumbled and began to walk away. "I'm going to salvage my sleep."

"Okay, just run away," James taunted, but the words had barely left his mouth when Lily turned around and elbowed him in the stomach. James was too stunned to retaliate, and Sirus just watched the change of events occur. It was the first time she had physically struck him.

"Why do you have to do this every year?" Sirus asked, as he and James began to walk up to their dormitory. "Doesn't it ever get old?"

"Does hexing Snape ever get old?" James questioned in return, and Sirus just shrugged.

"Remus is going to kill you."  
"She won't tell him; she never tells anyone."

"Think there's a reason for that?" Sirus muttered under his breath, too low for James to hear him, while being pretty sure that Remus knew more than James gave him credit for. "I still think you were a little too hard on her."

"It's Evans, Sirus," James replied, his face suddenly hard. "It goes back too far."

Girls' dorm, same morning

Lily got in the shower, still shaking with silent rage, after her first confrontation of the year with James. For a few minutes, down in the Common Room, she had been warm, but now, always from the battlefield, she could feel that bone-numbing chill.

Since it was so early, Lily was able to spend a good thirty minutes under the hot water without anyone knocking angrily on the door. However, the water was not quite as hot as she would have liked considering the situation, but she was having trouble staying under the water once it was heated past a certain temperature. So she got out, dried herself off, then slowly got into her uniform. Seeing as it was only six o'clock, Lily laid back in her bed and wrapped herself under the covers to see if she could recapture her lost heat. Unfortunately, it didn't work very well, and in another half an hour, Alice and Mary were beginning to stir.

"Lily, are you okay?" Alice asked, coming over to where Lily was lying around seven o'clock. "You're usually up by now."

"I'm fine, Alice," Lily replied, opening her eyes and looking up at Alice. "I've been up for about two hours. Whenever you two want to go down to breakfast, I'm ready."

Soon enough, Alice and Mary were ready so the three girls made their way out of their dorm. In the Common Room, they met up with James, Sirus, Remus, and Peter who joined them walking to the Great Hall.

"Did you not sleep well, last night, Lil?" Alice was asking as they were leaving the Gryffindor Tower. "You were up awfully early this morning."

Sirus glanced over at Lily to see her reply, as did Remus. The latter had no clue what had happened this morning, but seeing as it was the same thing every year, he was pretty sure of what had transpired.

"I never sleep well on the first night back," Lily replied, trying to ignore the looks she was getting. "It's just the same thing as ever year."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Alice asked again, obviously concerned. "You have red patches all over your skin. I didn't want to say anything, but they look really painful."  
Lily reached up to touch her face, wincing as her fingers came in contact with her cheek. She had forgotten that the scalding water James had woken her up with had left its mark, and she had hoped it would have disappeared by the time breakfast had started.

"I must have taken too hot of a shower this morning," Lily answered, but her voice faltered suddenly.

Whether or not Alice noticed, she said nothing farther on the matter and instead caught up to James, Peter, and Mary to join their conversation. Lily was left with Sirus and Remus who looked like they had been waiting for her to be free.

"Are you sure you're okay, Lils?" Remus asked, wrapping his arms around Lily, urging her to lean on him. "It looks really painful." He brushed his finger lightly down her nose, the watched sadly as she winced once more.

"It was just James' first day back prank," Lily answered, putting more of her weight on her boyfriend. "Dumping water on me at five in the morning."

Remus hugged her tightly, and Sirus glanced over to see if Lily would say what James had done differently this year. However, Lily stayed silent, and like Alice, Remus didn't press the matter either. He cared passionately about Lily, but James was one of his best mates who found out about him being a werewolf and went against the law to help him out. So he tried to remain neutral. It was difficult, especially when tempers flared on both sides. Depending on what he saw and where he was, he said different things to try to bring tempers back down to normal. Usually, it worked well enough to get things back to a status quo. He would confront James about this particular incident in a few minutes, when he was free, but for now, he was supporting Lily.

About a floor above the Great Hall, James drifted away from the other three. Remus squeezed Lily and began to walk toward the other boy.

"I'll be back; I'm going to talk to James."

Lily kept walking, trying to ignore the fact that Sirus was still watching her out of the corner of his eyes. Well, she wasn't going to give into his maddening silence; if he wanted her to talk, he would have to ask first – something she dreadfully hope that he wouldn't do. Unfortunately, Sirus almost never complied with Lily's hoped expectations.

"They know, and you still won't tell them? I don't understand that, but you won't even tell Remus about the new development in the usual events? Lily, why the act still? It doesn't make any sense."

Lily was silent for a minute before she answered. "I don't expect you to understand, Sirus. It goes back a long time."

Sirus shook his head. Lily and James sounded so much a like sometimes. He really didn't understand what happened between the two of them, and soon enough, he would find out. Soon may not mean within the next month, but he was sure it would be solved eventually.


	10. Chapter 10

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Transfiguration, mid-September_

"Miss Evans, Mr. Potter, the Headmaster would like to see you at the entrance to the Astronomy Tower during your next free period," Professor McGonagall called out to her current Head Boy and Girl just before they bell rang to end the period.

Both James and Lily looked at their professor skeptically, but she just nodded.

"The Astronomy Tower?" Alice asked, just as perplexed as the two being summoned. "What could he want you there for?"

"I have no clue," Lily replied shaking her head in wonder. "There's nothing there – well besides the Tower itself, and that's off limits to students except for classes."

"You may not have any idea, but I know that rumors will fly when they hear the Heads are going off to the Astronomy Tower," Mary said with a little smirk. It was a well-known fact that couples snuck off to the Astronomy Tower to be alone together. (Unfortunately, the plan usually backfired seeing as Prefects and Heads knew they could catch students there while patrolling.)

Lily just glared at her friend. "Shut up, Mary. It's Dumbledore's request. Besides, you don't want Remus mad at you for saying that, do you?"  
"Oh, no," Mary teased, "softy Remus getting mad at me. I'm so scared. Sirus wouldn't let him hurt me."

_That's true_, Lily thought, _but in a different way than you're thinking_. Mary was a very tolerant person – he had befriended the Muggle-born Lily even though she, herself, was from a pureblood family – but you never knew how someone would react to a werewolf.

Lily was about to retort when the bell rang and Alice cut in.

"Just be quiet, the both of you. And Lily, go see what the Headmaster wants."

"Someone's grouchy today," Mary whispered to Lily on her way out the door.

"She hasn't seen Frank for a month," Lily replied in a light, joking manner, "what can you expect?"

She then also made her way out of the classroom and began the journey to the Astronomy Tower. It was nice to be alone with her thoughts for once, but of course, that was too good to last. As Lily rounded the first corner she reached, she heard a pair of footsteps growing louder, and a voice called out to her.

"So what'd you do this time, Evans?"

"This time?" Lily called back over her shoulder, without stopping or looking back. "I'm not Hogwarts' resident prank expert, Potter."

"Prank expert?" James replied as he caught up to Lily. "I like the sound of that. Anyway, it was only time before you acknowledged who was best."

"My goal was not to further inflate your over-sized ego," Lily snapped, glaring at him out of the corner of her eye. "We know who rules at home."  
"You and Snevellious? Pathetic. I've heard that if you tell yourself something enough, it becomes true, but you're just deluding yourself here."

"You're just jealous because we can outwit you with mere Muggle technology."

"You –"

However, James never got out his thought because Lily elbowed him in the stomach at that precise moment. They were nearing the Astronomy Tower, and she knew it wouldn't do for their Headmaster to see them arguing. James was about to retort when he realized where they were and thought better of it. So Lily and James walked to the base of the Astronomy Tower in silence.

"Miss Evans, Mr. Potter, I'm so glad that you could make it here so quickly." Professor Dumbledore turned around to greet the two students as they approached. "I trust that this is indeed a free period, and you're not skiving off Herbology or the like. No? Well, please, if you would follow me."

Lily and James did as Professor Dumbledore had bidden and began to follow him up the Tower. After about two flights of stairs, he stopped them in front of a portrait of a man and a woman tangled in a great mass of vines. They seemed to be struggling valiantly and would have gotten free if only the other had been willing to lend a hand.

"I do not believe that I have showed you the Heads' Dormitory. You may or may not be aware that we have quite a few located throughout the castle and tend to rotate students through them depending on the two who are selected as Heads. This one, I do believe, has not been used for the better part of twenty-five years.

"You see, this pair," he gestured to the portrait with a twinkle in his eye, "does not get along very well, and thus, it takes a very special pair of Head Boy and Girl to get them to agree to a password. I have taken the liberty of setting the first one for you, but they start to get restless after two weeks of the same thing. I trust that you two can help them work it out."  
"Yes, sir," Lily and James answered just as Professor Dumbledore gave the password: jellybean.

The portrait swung open to reveal an extremely dusty looking room. All the corners were housing spiders and their thick webs, each flat surface was covered with nearly an inch of dust, and there were twenty or so rusty buckets in a corner filled with stagnant water. It must have been a magnificent room at its peak, but now, it was sad looking indeed.

"As you can see," the Headmaster continued, ignoring the dust which was finding every way possible to flood Lily and James' nostrils, "since this room hasn't been used for so long, no one has bothered to clean it. However, the buckets in the corner contain fresh water and clean rags, and it really is a splendid room under all the dust.

"You're personal rooms are through those two doors there," Professor Dumbledore pointed to two entry ways that neither Lily nor James had previously noticed, "and the bathroom just beyond them. All of your personal belongings have already been moved so don't worry about that.

"Of course, you may still use your House Common Room, but past Heads have always found this most convenient."

Both Lily and James murmured their thanks as Professor Dumbledore began to make his way back to the Portrait Hole. It was rather hard to fully show their gratitude without breathing in mouthfuls of dust. Plus, both were rather wary of having to live even more closely with the other.

"I do always hope that these two will learn to work together," the older man continued before the portrait swung shut behind him. "I believe there's so much they could learn from each other." Then he was gone, and Lily and James were left alone.

Lily's first thoughts were of panic. _He knows about us_, she thought wildly. _Sirus was right, all of our history is like an open book before him. And now he wants to see if we won't kill each other in the coming year. Teach the portrait how to work together: ha, he wants us to learn. It's not possible._

James' voice cut into Lily's anguished thoughts. "Are you going to stand there all day, Evans or are we actually going to clean?"

"You could just use the cleaning spell or are you waiting for my excellent charm work?"  
"I've been trying that for the past five minutes. If you hadn't been in your panic-induced coma, you might have noticed." Lily opened her mouth to retort but was cut off. James clearly wasn't finished. "And before you get on your high and mighty horse, yes, I was doing it right – about fifty times."

"Then we'll clean the Muggle way – if _you_ can get off _your_ might and mighty horse long enough to get down on your knees and scrub." Lily tried to keep her voice level but couldn't help adding that last jib. He just made her so angry sometimes, implying that she would have automatically assumed he was doing it wrong. Lily was no Potter fan, but she couldn't deny that he was handy with a wand.

So instead of saying any of that, she picked up a bucket, got down on her hands and knees, and began to scrub. James followed her after a few minutes, and for the first time in years – maybe ever – they worked in harmony. They didn't talk while working, but at least they weren't arguing, each just keeping out of the other's way.

Lily had just finished her half of the room they shared when she happened to glance at a clock. They had worked straight through lunch, and now it was only twenty minutes until History of Magic. Throwing down her rag, Lily rushed into her room where she hoped her books were. Thankfully, they were laying in the middle of her bed, and she was able to grab them easily and head out of the room.

"Where are you going, Evans?" James called as she dashed past him. "Skiving off on the job?"

"I don't care to be late to class."

"Oh, Binns wouldn't even notice," James said easily, dropping his rag and standing up.

"Unlike you, I care about my reputation in class."

"Right, how could I forget? Perfect Evans!" James called as Lily nearly ran out through the Portrait Hole. However, she didn't hear him, being too focused on getting to History of Magic.

She did manage to make it on time, just as Alice and Mary were beginning to worry. True, they were worried when Lily didn't show up for lunch, but she would occasionally spend the hour in the library; however, it was an entirely different matter for Lily Evans to miss a class.

"Where were you?" Mary almost demanded of Lily as soon as she took her seat. "You miss all of free period, don't show for lunch, and then almost come later for class… What did Dumbledore want?"

"He was showing us the Heads' Dormitory," Lily answered, trying to catch her breath, seeing as she had run all the way to class.

"For two periods?" Mary asked, with disbelief written all over her face.

"Well, not exactly," Lily replied hesitantly. "It turns out that there are quite a few Heads' Dorms, and Dumbledore gave us one that hasn't been used in twenty years because it's behind a portrait of a man and a woman who can't stop quarreling. Then since it hasn't been used for so long, it was filthy, but the dust wouldn't be charmed away so we had to clean it by hand."

Alice and Mary just looked at Lily as she relayed her tale somewhat disjointedly.

"It's not that we don't believe you, Lil," Alice started slowly with as much kindness as she could put into her voice, "it's just that –"

"Where's James?" Mary suddenly cut in.

Lily was just opening her mouth to answer as the boy in question walked into the classroom.

"Sorry I'm late, professor," he said in the ghost's general direction, but Professor Binns didn't even look up form the lecture notes he was reading off of. James then glanced over to Lily and smirked.

"See," he seemed to be telling her. "What did I tell you? He didn't even notice."

Lily narrowed her eyes and tightened her lips ever so slightly while watching James make his way over to the other three Marauders. When she was satisfied that he wasn't going to cause her any more trouble, Lily turned back to her friends.

"Does that answer your question?" she asked, somewhat more harshly than she intended.

Alice and Mary just nodded meekly before all three girls began taking notes. However, Lily's mind wasn't fully on her schoolwork as she pondered a question Sirus had asked her earlier: would she and James really be able to survive together in one dorm without killing each other?


	11. Chapter 11

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Great Hall, one week before Halloween_

It was breakfast, and Lily's owl had just dropped a letter onto her plate. She gave the bird some of her toast then watched it fly off, but she refused to touch the letter. It laid before her for a few more minutes before she even had the nerve to turn it over. Just as she had feared, it was from her parents, so taking a deep breath, she finally managed to force herself to open the letter.

It didn't take long for Lily to scan the contents briefly and internalize their meanings. Deciding she was finished her meal, Lily stood up suddenly and went to exit the Hall. Alice and Mary nudged the boys who protested but followed them in catching up with Lily.

"Who's the letter from, Lil?" Alice asked as she got to Lily's side.

"My parents," Lily answered. "Petunia's wedding is in a week; they were just giving me the last minute details."

"That's pretty bad timing, when you think about it."

Lily shrugged. "She's always wanted a wedding on All Hallow's Eve. They got engaged last summer so it was too close last year causing them to push it back. It's only what she wants."

"So I guess you'll be talking to Dumbledore soon them?" James asked, in a very innocent tone.

"What do you mean, James?" Lily questioned back, in the same tone but deadly curious. She had no clue what he was trying to get at.

"Well, you'll be missing school for your sister's wedding, so you'll have to clear it with him. Plus, you have to get home somehow."

Lily's eyes blazed dangerously for a split second, but she got her temper back under control in the next instant. He knew they didn't get along yet was purposely asking those questions. But of course he would: it was James Potter.

"I'm not going home for it," Lily answered tonelessly and waved the letter half-heartedly.

"Why, Lil? What does it say?" Mary asked, making as if to grab the letter from Lily's hands. Lily pulled away a little too quickly and answered "nothing" a little too shortly to make Mary believe. Instead she made one more grab at the letter and managed to snatch it from Lily's hands. Lily protested sharply, but Mary began to read it aloud anyway.

"Dear Lily

As you know, Petunia's wedding is in a week, so I just wanted to let you know the finalized details.

The ceremony starts at five, cocktails and starters at six thirty, dinner at eight, first dance at nine, and they're cutting the cake at ten.

I'm still very disappointed in you, Lily, about this whole thing. Petunia told me everything you two talked about this summer, and I can't believe that you said you would rather stay in school than attend her wedding. She's trying not to show it, but she's devastated. Your own sister, Lily! She wanted you to be her maid of honor. But it's your decision to make, and I can only hope you don't regret this later on.

Either way, we've had plenty to keep us busy the last couple of weeks (you have no clue how many last minute details there are to work out), and it's been coming up sooner than we realized.

We'll see you at Christmas, and keep well until then.

Love,

Mum"

Lily suddenly wished Remus was there. She needed someone to lean on because hearing the words out loud just made them hurt even more. However, Remus was in the Hospital Wing recovering from the full moon so she was left standing on her own, trying not to show how much the whole wedding pained her.

Mary handed the letter back to Lily silently and hung her head. Her eyes begged for her friend's forgiveness, which Lily knew she would instantly give.

"I'm sorry, Lil," she said softly. "I didn't know. I didn't…realize."

Lily shook her head, just wanted to drop the subject. However, much to her surprise, Alice was the one who seemed most affected. She looked enraged, and her eyes were burning with newfound passion.

"How could she do that to you, Lil? You're her sister! You're supposed to be there for her, to be her maid of honor! And you can take this so lightly? I can't even believe that you two talked to each other about this!"

Lily looked around to see everyone in the little group looking at her. She took a deep breath, turning over in her mind how she would answer before turning her attention forward back down the corridor.

"We're not close, we haven't been for six years. She knew I wasn't invited ever since she got engaged." There was no passion in her voice, even all the feeling was gone, like she had had this conversation with herself too many times. "There's nothing I can do about it, especially when she doesn't say two words at a time to me. She wasn't even home this summer."

"Is that why you had Remus over?"

"No, she went to Vernon's because I had Remus over. She had gone away with some friends, and I didn't want to spend the time alone, but she walked out the door almost the second she came back. You can't honestly think she wants to spend the summer under the same roof as two freaks?"

Only now, was Lily's voice betraying how deeply this was bothering her. With every syllable, her voice rose higher and threatened to break. All of the emotions she had always tried to keep at bay were crashing down on her, suffocating her, drowning her.

"Lil, are you okay?" Alice asked, waving her hand in front of Lily's face. Lily heard the words, but they sounded like they were coming from very far ways. However, before anyone could say any more, Lily stumbled and was caught by James. Neither one moved for a minutes, just stared with an unfocused gaze into the other's eyes until Sirus took Lily away from James and got her to lean on him.

"Someone tell Flitwick Lily's not feeling well," he said, starting to lead her in the opposite direction from the rest of the group. "I'm taking her back to the Common Room; she needs to sit down."

"No, Sirus, I'm fine," Lily tried to protest weakly, but she stumbled as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

Sirus said nothing, just led Lily back toward the Common Room. For once, he didn't ask questions, he only gave Lily the silent support she desperately needed at the moment.

"Do we have to go back to the Tower?" Lily asked quietly. "Can we go to visit Remus instead?"  
"Sure, Lily, if that's what you need. Then you can rest for a bit, and Pomfrey will give Flitwick a legitimate excuse – not that you need one seeing as he loves you."

Lily gave Sirus a half smile. "Thanks. But of course it has nothing to do with the fact that she'll give you a note to go late to class."

"Of course, Lily. But I do want you to feel better."

"I'm fine, Sirus."

"No, you're not," Sirus replied, shaking his head, "but we'll try to forget that for now and just let you get to Remus."

Lily smiled again as they reached the Hospital Wing. The two of them entered the wind catching the attention of both Remus and Madam Pomfrey.

"Are you feeling alright, Miss Evans?" the nurse asked, her eyes immediately seeking out Lily's pale face and noting how heavily she was leaning on Sirus. Remus noticed the same things and sat up in his bed.

"She just needs to sit down for a little bit, I think," Sirus answered for Lily. "It was a letter from home."

"Alright, Miss Evans, take the bed in the corner there, and I'll be over in a few minutes."

"Thanks, Sirus," Lily said with a grateful smile as he slowly made his way back down the corridor. She then sat down on the indicated bed, conveniently located next to Remus who had been watching her ever since she had come in.

"What's wrong, Lils?" he asked.

Lily got up off the bed she had just sat down on to sit on Remus' bed so he could wrap his arms around her to give her the comfort she needed.

"What's wrong?" he prompted again when she didn't answer.

"I got a letter from my mum this morning reminding me that Petunia's wedding is in a week."

"Because I'm sure you forgot that."

"Exactly. Then she went on, blaming me again because Petunia doesn't want me at her wedding. Alice got annoyed at Petunia, and Potter was asking me if I was going home for it. He knows all of it, he knows!"

"You know he's doing it to get under you skin, Lils, but he might not know everything you give him credit for knowing."

"Rem, he lives across the street from me; our parents are best friends. How could he not know?"

"Lils, Lils, calm down. You're just getting worked up because of the wedding. Take a deep breath and relax. Your parents don't even know that you and Petunia don't get along. It's just getting to you. In a week, it'll all be over, and you can relax again." Remus' voice was calm and soothing, and Lily could feel herself being lulled out of her anger. She was even regaining her normal hue as Madam Pomfrey came over to check her over.


	12. Chapter 12

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Gryffindor Common Room, Halloween_

Alice was sitting in front of the fire in the Common Room with Mary and the four Marauders on the last night in October. She was trying to pay attention to the conversation in front of her, but her attention kept wandering over to the other towers in the castle.

"We should really go down to the Feast," Sirus was saying. He stood up, pulling Mary up with him, and everyone else followed his lead. All of them except for Alice.

"Shouldn't someone get Lily? She won't want to be left alone."

"Alice, her sister's getting married right now," Remus replied. "She won't care about the Feast." He saw the look on Alice's face and knew she wouldn't be discouraged that easily. Alice cared about Lily and would try to get her to come down to the Feast no matter what was going on. It was never a question of dedication, Alice just couldn't understand what her friend was going through this night. "But you can try if you insist. We'll come with you to the Heads' Dorm."

Alice immediately jumped up and raced out of the Gryffindor Tower, the others following at a little more leisurely pace, knowing she would slow soon enough. They were soon at the base of the Astronomy Tower where James gave the password to the warring portrait, and Alice quickly climbed through. Lily was sitting at the window with her back to the entrance. Obviously, though, she had heard the noise of the picture open because she flinched, but she didn't turn.

"Lil, are you coming down?"

Lily glanced at her watch. "They're saying 'I do' right now."

"The Feast is right now, too. Everyone will miss you." She waited a minute for Lily to answer, but the red-head never did. "Come on, Lil. You have to come down; it's Halloween. The best feast Hogwarts gives!"

Just then Mary came into the room. She walked over to where Alice was standing next to Lily and put her hand on the blond girl's shoulder.

"Come on, Alice. It's been fifteen minutes. She's not coming."

"But…"

"Come on."

Lily listened to her two friends leave the room and breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't that she didn't' want them to care – she was flattered really – it was just that she really needed to be left alone for this one night.

Petunia was getting married, for Merlin's beard! How was she supposed to concentrate on anything else? This was the night that every girl and her sister had dreamed about since the time they were little children. The white dress, the cake, the first dance, first kiss… And Lily was supposed to be there to see it all – not at some boarding school locking herself up in a tower.

Eight o'clock. "Dinner," Lily muttered. "Chicken and fish, assorted vegetables, maybe some Sheppard's Pie for the younger kids."

Lily had never been told the menu, but that was what Petunia had always wanted. Her tastes had changed throughout the years, but Lily knew her sister and knew that she would not have wanted to change the simple ideas she had grown up with no matter what memories they held.

Nine o'clock. "The first dance. She looks like a horse and he looks like a walrus, but somehow they fit perfectly together. She's wearing the simple white satin she always loved because it was the perfect dress she had always imagined."

Somewhere deep down, Lily was sure that Petunia was devastated that the two sisters couldn't be family at the wedding. She had always planned to have Lily as her maid of honor, and there would be something deep down that regretted the broken bond of affection. They had been sisters once, and somewhere, they both wanted to be sisters again; neither of them knew where to start of how to carry it through.

Ten o'clock. "They've cut the cake now," Lily muttered, finally allowing herself to fall back against the window. It was over, but somehow, Lily could not allow herself to relax. However, that was the last thing James saw because he finally got up off the couch and went into his room.

He wasn't quite sure why he had left the feast early to come back here, especially when he was certain that Lily was dimly aware of his unwanted presence. Somehow, he just realized that no one should have to go through the night of their sister's wedding alone. Not even the bitterest of his enemies deserved that. Still, all these thoughts only managed to surface briefly before James fell into the deep abyss called slumber.

Lily had been conscious of James' presence on the couch all night though it never really registered in her mind until she heard his door click shut. Even then, she didn't bother to ask any questions – because of course he would have been there. They may not have always gotten along, but it seemed obvious that someone who knew her the most and the least would be the one to give her what she needed that night.


	13. Chapter 13

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Lily's room, a few days into November_

It had snowed last night, Lily could tell without even opening her eyes, and it was probably still snowing. As her mind was forced to wake up, she realized that she was violently shivering, and her teeth were chattering forcefully enough to be hurting her jaw. She reached down to pull up her covers only to feel her soaked sheets instead, and that was when Lily got the nerve to open her eyes.

Sure enough, it was snowing, and Lily found herself blanketed in the icy crystals while her scant body heat had melted those closest to her skin, drenching her pajamas and sheets in a freezing liquid. Her covers, as expected, were no where to be found, and when she reached over for her wand to right the mess, she only found a note.

_Enjoy your first snowfall of the year, Evans. Make sure to stay warm – if possible._

Lily's eyes narrowed as she pulled her shivering body out of the bed. Potter! He always did this to her for the first snowfall of the year, and if she wasn't so intent on getting warm, she would have gone over to his room right now to give him a piece of her mind – even maybe of his own medicine.

However, when she tried the handle on the bathroom door, she found it locked from the inside. At three thirty in the morning, that only meant one thing: Potter had locked it when he had pulled this stunt to make sure she would be royally ticked off. Well, it had worked. Now she only had to go over and let him hear what she thought.

Lily strode angrily out of her room and stood in front of James' door, pounding on it with all the strength she was able to spare in her quest for heat.

"Potter!" she shouted, nearly at the top of her lungs, while trying to keep her teeth from chattering. "Potter, get your lazy arse out of bed and open up this door. Right this instant!"

Lily continued to throw her weight against the door as she received no response. However, the wood separating her from her revenge suddenly swung open, and Lily had to catch herself in order to not fall face-first on the floor. After avoiding that mishap, she marched into the room now open to her and made to face the source of her torment.

"Enjoying the weather, Evans?" James drawled, not even bothering to get out of his bed where he was wrapped cozily in his own covers and – Lily was outraged to see – her own blankets.

"First and foremost, I want my wand back, Potter," Lily replied sharply through clenched teeth, not even bothering to answer his sarcastic question. "Then I intend to give you a piece of my mind – quite an ample piece."

"I don't see any incentive for me to comply with any of this; none of it's in my favor, and I don't particularly care to be on the bargaining end of your wand."

"So I suppose that's why you had to render me defenseless because you know you'll never have the upper hand when we face off magically? I can't believed you actually admitted it, Potter; quite a large milestone for you."

James didn't reply at first, only began to laugh. The sound began as a low chuckle deep in his throat but eventually evolved into a full-blown cackle.

"I don't find anything particularly funny about this," Lily said shortly. It was growing harder and harder to keep up the guise of indifference due to her current physical condition. Slowly, her teeth began to chatter audibly, and her knees were visibly shaking. In fact, she was even starting to feel quite faint and had to lean against a wall to keep upright – not that James noticed any of this.

"Not funny, Evans?" he laughed. "It's bloody hilarious! You thinking that you could actually outwit me in a magical contest. Face it, Evans, I've been pulling the same prank on you year after year, and you still have yet to find a way to counter them."

"I know more about you than Sirus, and that's way more than you feel comfortable with. Just remember that, Potter. Certain things may slip if you aggravate me too much. Plus, Remus is on my side. Have you two even gotten over what happened this summer yet?"

"Have _you_ gotten over it? That was _months_ ago."

Lily only shrugged. It was really becoming harder and harder to play this subtle game with Potter. Now if she could just find her want, she could get a nice hot shower and get warm.

"I suggest you just give me my want back."  
"You hold no cards, Evans." To Lily's dismay, she found James was twirling her wand between his fingers. "I fear I hold everything."

_Not quite_, she thought quickly before focusing all of her energy on her wand. James watched her narrow her eyes with aloof curiosity but thought nothing of it until her wand began to shoot sparks out of its end.

"Bloody hell!" James exclaimed before chucking the want at Lily, who tried to catch it effortlessly. However, the sudden movement threw off the balance she had tried so hard to maintain, and Lily almost fell to the ground from the simple effort alone. Trying to recover quickly, she used her last bit of energy to storm through James' room into the bathroom between their two rooms. Only there, locking the door behind her, did Lily fall to the floor and lay there for several long minutes before getting up to take a shower to warm her frigid bones – and plot revenge on James Potter.

_Corridor outside of the Great Hall, right before breakfast same day_

"I love the first snowfall," Alice was saying as she Mary, Lily, and the Marauders walked down to breakfast. "Hogwarts always looks so pretty when it's blanketed in snow."

Mary agreed quickly before proceeding to ask Sirus if he would want to wander around the grounds after breakfast. In the back of the group, Lily and Remus were having somewhat of a different type of conversation.

"I'm fine," Lily was insisting in between fits of coughing.

"No, you're not," Remus insisted just a persistently, concern etched into every feature. "You look dead tired, and you haven't been able to say two words without coughing or sneezing." Lily tried to shake her head to show it wasn't true, but she ended up sneezing instead. "See."

"I'm fine. There's just a lot going on with the Yule Ball to plan for and patrols and going through all the paperwork McGonagall give us…"

"Lily, most of that is Prefect duties. You're sick, that's all there is to it." Remus signed. "He let the snow in on you again last night didn't he?'

"And stole my wand and locked the bathroom door. Rem, I was soaked to the bone and had to spend half an hour arguing with him to do anything about it while he laid there, all warm, under _my_ blankets!" Lily exclaimed, pausing many times to cough. "I could barely walk by the end of it."

"And you can barely walk now," Remus said more stoically than the situation seemed to allow. "Come on, we're going to the Hospital Wing."

Lily protested but didn't have enough strength to physically stop Remus from doing anything.

"But I can't miss any classes!" Lily said passionately as Remus pushed her along toward the Hospital Wing. She was doing her best to resist him, and while that wasn't much, it was enough to get Remus fairly agitated.

"If you don't go along with this," he said forcefully, "I will not hesitate to pick you up and carry you there myself. Besides, Herbology will be canceled today, and we have a free period right now, so you won't be missing anything. Once Pomfrey set you straight, she'll see you off."

Lily wasn't so certain, but she let herself be pacified and let Remus lead her off. However docile she was feeling toward her boyfriend at the moment, James didn't share any of those peaceful thoughts, and her anger at him was still at a rolling boil, threatening to overflow.

Madam Pomfrey came right out to meet the two Gryffindors as they entered, leading Lily to believe she had been quite busy the past few days and had grown used to acutely listening for distant footsteps.

"What can I do for you, Miss Evans?" she asked, deeming it was Lily who needed her attention from the way Remus had dragged his house-mate into the ward. Lily was slightly unnerved by this uncanny perception but took the bed the matron gestured to none the less, figuring the prank had just put her on edge.

"She's caught a cold," Remus answered quickly as Lily was thrown into a fit of coughing. Once she was through, Lily leaned back against the headboard and consented to have Madam Pomfrey check her over.

"It's nothing that a simple Pepper Up Potion shouldn't cure," the matron declared when she was through. "Though it could have easily turned into the flu, if it wasn't for your bringing her here, Mr. Lupin."

Remus almost mouthed "I told you so" to Lily as Madam Pomfrey went to retrieve the potion from her stores, but one glare from Lily made him shut his mouth immediately. There was no way he would cause her to redirect her anger to him, especially after he had just dragged her here. The peace hung on a very fine balance.

"We've had a lot of these cases the past few days," Madam Pomfrey said as she came back and then administered the potion to Lily. "I keep telling the Headmaster the dorms are much too chilly, but he insists they're heated all night. However, I was always cold in my room when I was here. And I assume that's how you caught this, Miss Evans?" From the condition of your room?"

"No, ma'am," Lily replied cautiously. She didn't even look over at Remus who was surely eyeing her coyly to see what her response would be. "Our dorms are a fine temperature."

"Then what were you doing, Miss Evans? These things don't happen on their own." Madam Pomfrey was always in the mood for a good lecture.

"I like sleeping with my window open," Lily said, trying to sound as sheepish as possible. It was true: she did like sleeping with her windows open, just now when it was cold out – or snowing.

Madam Pomfrey shook her head and seemed at a loss for words for a minute. "I would have thought you had more sense, Miss Evans." Lily just made a show of hanging her head. "In any case, I'd like you to stay, just until the potion begins to take effect."

"You are not going anywhere," Lily said forcefully to Remus once Madam Pomfrey had gone and busied herself in another part of the Wing. "If I have to sit here for an hour, I am not doing it by myself. You dragged me into this, and you will see it through."

Remus smiled slightly at Lily's words but sat down next to her on the bed and began to talk about the Prefects' plans for the upcoming Yule Ball as they waited for the potion to take effect.


	14. Chapter 14

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Heads' Dormitory, a week before Christmas_

Lily had felt over her head in work in the few weeks leading up to the Winter Holidays. Drowning so much, in fact, that she barely left time for anything else. Her friends didn't see her except in class, James was noticing her presence less and less in the Heads' Dorm except when their duties brought them briefly together, and she was even to the point where she was on the verge of neglecting Remus. On one of the few Saturdays that they were allowed into Hogsmeade, he had to physically drag her out of the castle in order to spend time with his girlfriend outside of class. Of course, Remus knew from experience that Lily was often like this, but it didn't usually set in until closer to exam time. It seemed, however, that the stress of Heads duties and it being seventh year were nearly tearing Lily to pieces.

In fact, Lily had forgotten her meeting with James and the portrait to change the password for their common room. This allowed pretty much anyone to force their way into the Heads' Dorm (their portrait too busy arguing and fighting against their captivity to do anything about it), which was what Alice and Mary had just done. To their surprise, they found James and the other Marauders already inside.

"You could have just knocked," James laughed as the two girls scrambled inside. "No need to force entry."

"The last time we did that, we stood out there for twenty minutes!" Alice exclaimed as Mary said, "I guess you guys didn't get around to changing the password this week?"

"I tried, but they wouldn't agree to anything f it was just me. They like to disagree too much."

"And Lily was…" Mary trailed off, asking the question.  
James hesitated before he answered. "…busy. She's not around a lot."

"Is she not her now?" Alice asked.

"She's in her room, I think." James seemed to feel really awkward answering the two girls' questions, like he was giving answers to something he shouldn't know. "Right, Remus? You talked to her when you came in, right?" It would have been almost laughable that James needed all of this reassurance, if he didn't look so nervous while asking. Mary and Alice took no notice, but Sirus, who knew his best mate inside and out, had picked up instantly. He was still tempted to laugh, but Remus was looking at him with that look that made him keep his mouth shut tight.

"I don't know if having a one-sided conversation is exactly the same as talking to someone," Remus replied stoically. Again, Mary and Alice seemed to take his tone at face value, but Sirus could tell that Remus was concerned – or maybe confused – by Lily's actions. "I don't even know if she knew I was in the same room as she was."

Mary grabbed Alice by the hand and began to pull her over to Lily's room. "We'll get her out. She can't stay in there forever."

"Good luck with that," one of the boys called to them as they were entering Lily's room. "She's a stubborn one."

"Do you think they'll actually be able to get her to come out?" Peter asked once he was sure Mary and Alice couldn't hear him.

"Pete, Evans is the most self-absorbed being I have ever met," James replied with obvious contempt in his voice. "All she can think about is how to make herself look good in front of the professors. She has no concept of fun, and will even neglect the duties that no one knows about to fulfill those that no one cares about but everyone sees."

Sirus finally cut James off, seconds before Remus got defensive and moments before any of her friends would have heard.

"Careful, James," he said in his most sarcastic, dry tone of voice, "or you'll drop the act in front of the girls and show everyone how you truly feel."

That was the closest Sirus had ever come to letting out what he truly thought of James motives, and Remus peered over at his curiously. However, no one had the chance to say anything because at that moment, Alice and Mary walked triumphantly out of Lily's room, dragging the girl in question behind them.

They shoved her onto the couch in the empty seat next to James, which caused Sirus, Remus, and Peter to send warning glances at each other. However, Lily just slumped down in her seat and crossed her arms over her chest.

"The Head Girl surfaces again," James commented briefly. The other three boys waited for the blow up, but it never came. Lily didn't even look his way but addressed her friends instead.

"I was trying to get everything together for the Yule Ball. I thought you guys would appreciate that."

"Some of us will," James muttered under his breath before he could stop himself. "Although I'm sure one of us would rather spend time with our friends because he or she is not staying." He looked pointedly over to the couch where Mary had plopped down next to Remus. Lily followed his gaze, and upon seeing where it fell, she became confused.

"But I thought you were staying, Mary," she said as her brows furrowed farther. "You said you were going to write to your parents and ask to go home later."

"I did, Lil," Mary replied sadly. "They wrote back yesterday and told me I was coming home before the Ball unless I wanted to be cut out of the family. I really don't fancy being disinherited because of a ball."  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Lily wasn't outraged, just sad. It wouldn't be the same without Mary at the Yule Ball. She had actually been the one to start to hint that Lily and Remus should get together their fifth year.

"She did try to tell you!" James burst out without being able to stop himself. "You've just been too busy to notice."

Lily stared at James in shock for a minute before slowly standing and taking a step back. James stood too, as if attached to her. They stood there in their own little world for endless seconds before Sirus pushed them gently toward the portrait hole.

"Why don't you set the password?" he suggested.

"Let's set the password," Lily echoed dimly before following James out.

"How can you be so blind, Evans?!" James exclaimed as soon as the portrait had swung closed behind them. "You've been ignoring your friends all year!"

His words seemed to snap Lily out of whatever world she had become lost in.

"Maybe if your stupid pranks hadn't drained me of all my strength," she snapped back.

"Give it up! Two pranks don't account for your lack of care. Just admit it: you're failing as a friend."

"Why does it matter to you so much?" Lily asked tartly.

"Because they're my friends too, and I've noticed that they're miserable. Remus has been moping around ever since school started because you won't say two words to him. Mary's been so gloomy this month worrying about the Ball and her parents, and it nearly kills Sirus to see her like that. My best mate is not meant to be unhappy, Evans!"

Lily didn't reply, she couldn't reply. The force of James' words nearly blew her off her feet. He was right, something in her mind told her. He was right. Sure, she had noticed that the group dynamics had been off for a while but had never bothered to figure out what was wrong. She had been a horrible friend lately.

James watched the girl in front of him, just waiting for her to reply. He was expecting her to get defensive, to deny all of his claims, insist that she was the perfect friend – perfect just like in every other way. Instead, he saw how carefully she was digesting his words, and then to his surprise, he saw her realize that he was right. That nearly knocked James off of _his_ feet.

"How about 'honey'?" Lily asked slowly turning away. She was still in a daze and needed more time by herself to mull everything over.

It took James a minute to realize she was making a suggestion for the password, and she was nearly out of sight by the time he turned to the figures in the portrait.

Well, how about it?" he asked sternly. "Honey?" He hoped they would agree. Not that anyone ever came into their common room uninvited, he just felt better if there was a password in place. Plus, now that Lily had left, there was no way they'd agree to anything he suggested.

"So is that good enough for you?" the female figure asked the male sarcastically. "Or are you allergic to honey too?" The last word James had tried was "strawberry", which apparently the male was allergic to.

"No," the male replied begrudgingly. "Actually, I quite like honey. And it makes for a good fly catcher."

James almost sighed audibly as he gave the new password and made his way back to where his friends were waiting. That was much easier than anticipated – well, the bit with the new password anyway.


	15. Chapter 15

**The Secrets They Keep**

_The Gryffindor Common Room, night before Christmas Eve_

It was about fifteen minutes to midnight when Remus and Lily arrived back at the Gryffindor Tower the night before the Yule Ball. The had been helping the professors get together all last minute details with the other prefects for the past few hours and had found it a much more stressful event than they had remembered from two years prior. Normally, Lily would have followed James back to the Heads' Dorm, but Remus had insisted that he had something to tell her. Not wanting to walk alone with James, she had readily complied. He had shot the pair a worried look, which Lily quickly picked up on, but then disappeared down the corridor.

So Lily and Remus watched James vanish in relative silence – both having too much on their minds to make idol conversation. Once Remus had given the Fat Lady the password and they made their way inside, Lily took a seat on one of the plush red couches while Remus began to pace nervously in front of her. However, Lily didn't notice this; she had her head back, closed eyes facing the ceiling, which didn't even let her see that her boyfriend wasn't even facing her.

"We need to talk, Lily," Remus said suddenly. The tone of his voice made Lily look over at him and note the current state he was in. She took a deep breath before replying in an apologetic tone.

"I haven't been a very good girlfriend to you lately, have I?

"You shouldn't pay attention to what James says." Remus hadn't heard the conversation that took place between the two Heads outside of their room when they were fixing the password, but Lily had been so distraught that she had told Mary everything who then relayed it to Sirus, and from there, the facts made their way to Remus. He had confronted Lily about it, and she had just repeated the same story he had heard from Sirus. Even at that time, he told her not to worry about it, but it seemed that the words were haunting her night and day.

"But he was right!" Lily exclaimed almost before Remus had a chance to finish. "Mary's miserable because she couldn't stay for the Ball, and that makes Sirus completely depressed because he can't stand to see her upset. I've been ignoring you completely, and that must be such a giant void after this summer… I haven't done anything right, Rem. I've been hiding in my room, using work as an excuse, and I'm not even sure what I'm hiding from."

"I'm not saying that I don't miss your presence," Remus started cautiously, still not turning to face Lily. "I love every minute we spend together even if it's me dragging you to Hogsmeade or sitting with you in the Hospital Wing. However, I know who you are, Lils, that you need space when you're stressed, that you'll do anything anyone asks of you because you're an amazing person like that. You have the respect, if not love, of everyone here, and it takes a lot to earn that and even more to keep it. You've captured my attention and held it, Lily Evans, which makes it really hard for me to tell you this."

Remus paused slightly, something that jarred Lily. She had felt really good about toe complements (though undeserved, she believed) he had given her but was startled when he mentioned his regret. This was not going to be easy to hear – or say, she assumed.

"I can't go to the Yule Ball with you," Remus finally continued after what seemed like years of anticipation, and the blow knocked Lily speechless. Her first conscious thought was that she did something that made him regret the past two years. However, before she could verbalize the idea, Remus spoke again. "Dumbledore's sending me away. With everything that's going on, he needs me out there to watch for him."

"Why does it have to be you?" Lily first thought to ask, and Remus regretfully noticed that her voice had taken on that small tone she used when she didn't feel that she was in control.

"I'm the only one like me," Remus replied bitterly. "The only one he has a connection to."

Lily was silent for another minute while she let this information find a home. She wanted to cry and protest so that he wouldn't leave, but she knew it would be of no use. Albus Dumbledore was a man whom Remus respected above all others, and he would go to the ends of the earth for the Headmaster who had given a werewolf the opportunity to learn magic. Only when she had control of herself did she speak once more.

"So what does this mean for us?"

Now was finally when Remus turned around to face Lily. In fact, he went down on his knees in front of her and took both of her hands in his own. He made direct eye contact with her, making it impossible for her to turn away, and she knew the answer to her question without him uttering a single word.

"It means that I can't be with you anymore." Lily could see how much it was tearing him apart to say this; it was blatantly obvious in his eyes, but she couldn't keep her feelings in check any longer.

"Why, Remus?" she pleaded. "We can make this work."

"I don't know when I'll be back, Lily. I can't stay in contact with you so you'll never hear from me until I come back. I could die, and you would probably never know. I can't do that to you. I can't keep you tied down to someone who doesn't even exist anymore."

"I don't want to be with anyone else! I want to wait for you!"

"Don't make this any harder for me, Lily," Remus pleaded. Lily saw her tears mirrored in his eyes and knew that he would have done anything had there been another way. "I love you, Lily."

Lily let the words ring in the air and took the time to dry some of her tears before she looked up at Remus who was still on the floor in front of her.

"When are you leaving?"

"In a few hours."

"Then can we at least pretend that everything's okay? If I never see you again, I don't want my last memory of you to be this heart-breaking."

Remus got off the floor with a heavy heart and sat down on the couch next to Lily. As he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, he knew that this act would be worse than if he just walked out of her life forever right now, but he wanted this, in a way, too. So they sat together, both trying not to think of the reason why they were doing this, not saying anything, just trying to memorize their last pictures of the other.

After about an hour, Lily fell asleep. Remus carefully removed himself from the couch, took one last look at the sleeping Lily, and left the Gryffindor Common Room.


	16. Chapter 16

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Girls' Dormitory, Christmas Eve_

It was only three hours until the Yule Ball when Lily burst into Alice's dormitory where the blond girl was getting dressed. She turned around slowly to see a very worried looking red-head.

"I can't go, Alice, I just can't," Lily was saying frantically. "I'm not ready; there's no time."

"Lily, calm down," Alice replied in her most soothing voice. "What's wrong?"

"I can't go to the ball!" Lily exclaimed, while throwing herself on Alice's bed – steering clear of the dress robes that were laid out on it. "I don't have anything to wear!"

"Lily," Alice began, but just as soon as the name came out of her mouth, she knew it would be of no use. Lily had already worked herself up into a frenzy and was nearly hyperventilating. "Lily, breathe. Mary left you a pair of her dress robes. She figured you would need them."

Alice could see the changes taking place as Lily comprehended what was being said. Slowly, her breathing went back to normal, and she was able to look at the white robes Alice was gesturing to. They were simple and plain, yet Lily knew they would somehow work perfectly – Mary had that unique ability.

Sure enough, when Lily put them on, the dress robes fit better than anything she could have picked out for herself. No, she wasn't going to be the prettiest one at the ball that night, but Remus wasn't going to be there so it didn't matter; she didn't have to look nice for anyone.

"She also left you a suggestion on how to do your hair," Alice added as she noticed that Lily had finished putting on the robes.

Lily examined the hairstyle quickly before ditching it completely in favor of simply leaving her hair down. It was this elegant do that would have made the outfit much fancier – a look that Lily was not going for at the moment. Besides, she didn't anticipate staying much longer than the opening dance.

"When can I tell Mary how much I truly love her?" Lily asked rhetorically as soon as she was finished. "I'll never be able to repay her."

"No, probably not," Alice replied before asking. "Are you leaving already?"

"Yeah," Lily replied. "I have to make sure everything's set up and the band's here and all of that."

"Well, have fun then."

Lily just smiled slightly before leaving the dorm. She really had no desire to go to this ball at all, and if she didn't have to make an appearance at Head Girl, it was doubtful that she would have even left her room at all. However, a duty was a duty, and she had to fulfill it.

Somewhere on the fifth floor, Lily met up with James who was presumably coming from the Heads' Dormitory. No words were needed as they fell into step together, and for once, neither attempted any snide comment toward the other. James did glance briefly over at Lily as she approached and drew in a sharp breath, but the solemn mood they were feeling prevailed. The whole castle was looking forward to the Ball, except for a few seventh year Gryffindors, and they didn't feel like pretending yet.

The Heads reached the Great Hall in due time and began to amble around in a loose fashion as the Prefects began to assemble. Lily and James stayed on opposite sides of the Hall the whole time, and while it looked as if they had just divided their tasks, in actuality, they were avoiding one another. Somewhere in her mind, Lily was dimly aware that she had to dance with James in just a few minutes, after everyone else had entered and the Headmaster had welcomed them all. Her stomach was knotting up, but her mind was running in too many different directions to take any notice. She was desperate, trying anything not to think of Remus, of the dance, of the Ball in general, but none of it was working. Everything kept coming back to what she wanted to avoid more than anything else.

It was in this preoccupied mind that Lily listened to Professor Dumbledore's welcoming speech, and she only barely recognized her cure to take center stage.

Sirus watched from the side of the dance floor as Lily and James met in the center of the Great Hall. Neither of them were fully conscience of what they were doing as Lily wrapped her arms around James' neck, James placed his hands on Lily's waist, and they stood closer together than they would ever be found under different circumstances.

Alice was standing next to Sirus trying to watch the dance before her, but her eyes kept drifting off to scan the crowd. All of the sudden, she gripped Sirus' arm causing him to become distracted from the curious pair in front of him.

"Sirus," she whispered excitedly. "Sirus, Frank's here!"

Sirus turned in the direction that Alice had indicated, and sure, enough, there was Frank Longbottom, Alice's boyfriend, walking quietly toward them. He and Alice had known each other their whole lives through their families and had been nearly attached at the hip all throughout their years at Hogwarts. Two years ago, they had started dating when Frank had graduated, and even now that he had a job and she was still at school, they had managed to stay together.

"I thought he was with the Ministry," Sirus whispered back while keeping one eye on Lily and James. "How is he here?"

"Well, he wrote to me a while ago saying that he might drop by around Christmas. I was hoping it might be for the Ball, and…" Alice nearly squealed. "This is so perfect!"

Sirus tried to put on a happy face for Alice and Frank who had just made his way over to them, but it was painful to watch Alice so happy with Frank when Mary was so far away.

"Hey, Sirus, it's been a long time," Frank said, turning to Sirus once he had greeted Alice thoroughly. "Still the big trouble maker?"

"Yeah, of course," Sirus replied absentmindedly, his attention drifting back to Lily and James once more.

"You okay, mate? You seem a little preoccupied." Frank followed Sirus' gaze to the dance floor where couples had started to join the pair of Heads. "Lily and James? Still the same as when I left, it appears. Good friends; they must be great Heads together."

"Don't worry about them, Sirus," Alice put in gently while starting to pull Frank onto the dance floor. "They'll be fine."

"It's great seeing you, Sirus," Frank added as he let Alice lead him away. "We'll catch up later; Dumbledore's letting me stay the night."

Sirus waved to the couple just as the song ended, and seconds later, he saw James coming straight towards him with Lily trailing only steps behind. James kept glancing at her, as if not believing that she was still actually there – something Sirus picked up on right away.

"You okay, mate?" Sirus asked as James stopped in front of him, glancing again at Lily who was standing a few paces to their left.

"I can't stay here, Sirus," James replied. "No one's happy."  
Sirus gestured to all of the students around him. 'They're all happy, James. Look at them."

"No one's happy," James repeated, and Sirus finally realized what he was talking about.

"You've always tried to make her life hell. Why does it matter now?"

James didn't answer as both he and Sirus glanced over to where Lily should have been only to find her gone. They spotted her heading quickly to the double door entrance of the room, trying not to alert anyone of her true intentions, which made her path quite zigzagged. It didn't take the two boys long to catch up with her.

"Where are you going, Lily?" Sirus asked frankly, catching her by surprise with the hand he had placed on her shoulder.

"Back to the dorm, Sirus. I can't stay here."

"What about Alice?"

"Frank's here; she's fine." _Damn_. He had hoped that she hadn't seen Frank yet so that the concern of Alice being lonely would have kept Lily around longer – and therefore kept James. He just didn't think it a good idea for them both to go back to their dorm together. It seemed like they were ready to break any moment and who ever knew what that could lead to.

Suddenly, Sirus realized that both Lily and now James had walked away from him. In a few steps, he had them both by the shoulder, causing them to stop and turn toward him.

"Sirus, please." This time it was James who was begging. "There's no point."

Then it hit him: there wasn't a point, no one needed them there, and they didn't even want to be there. Identical looks were being shard between Lily and James (which they weren't even aware of), and Sirus realized the same emotions were mirrored on his own face.

"I'm coming with you. Let's go." Sirus stepped past the slightly shocked pair and let the way out of the Great Hall back to the Heads' Dormitory.


	17. Chapter 17

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Headmaster's Office, two hours after the Ball ended_

"How can I help you, Miss Evans?" Professor Dumbledore asked Lily after bidding her to enter his office. She looked at him with her big, tired eyes while shifting what looked like an overnight bag from her right to left hand.

"I'm sorry to bother you, professor," Lily said in a small voice, one that no one at Hogwarts was used to hearing.

"It's never a bother; you know that you are always welcome here."

"Thank you, professor. I just…professor, I was just wondering if I could floo home tonight. I just can't wait around until tomorrow night; I need to go home."

"Miss Evans, as you are aware, we don't usually allow students to go home any other time then when the Hogwarts' Express takes them." Lily's face fell; as hard as she was trying to control it, she was just too tired to do a good job. "However, seeing as you would be leaving tomorrow anyway, I don't think it would hurt anyone if you left tonight."

"Thank you, professor!" A giant weight was lifted off of Lily's shoulders, and she almost let a smile escape her face. He had actually been expecting Lily to come to his office tonight, ever since she had left the Ball early with James and Sirus.

"Are you ready to leave now, Miss Evans?"  
Lily lifted her small bag up, without being fully conscious of what she was doing. "Yes, professor. Please."

Professor Dumbledore stepped away from his fireplace and handed Lily a handful of green powder which she promptly threw into his fireplace. In another few seconds, she was gone.

_Lily's house, seconds later_

It had been nearly one o'clock when Lily had made her decision to go home so by the time she rolled out of her fireplace into the sitting room, almost an hour had passed. The house was oddly quiet, though taking the time into account, it really wasn't that surprising. What was surprising was the note that Lily found on the table when she went into the kitchen.

_Lily, dear,_

_The cold your father caught earlier this winter had unfortunately taken a turn for the worst. I finally convinced him to let me take him to the hospital and this is the first time I've been home since then. I know you have your ball, and I will try to be home when you arrive, but it's getting harder and harder by the day to leave your father. Ring up Petunia when you come home, ands she can bring you over._

_Pray for his speedy recovery._

_Love,_

_Mum_

It seemed like dozens of thoughts were crossing through Lily's mind as she reread the short note. She knew it was late and Petunia would not take her anywhere, even if it had not been; she was shocked at this new development and was hurt to think that no one had bothered to write that her dad was sick in the first place. With all of this numbing her mind, she curled up underneath a blanket and, with the note still in hand, promptly fell asleep on the couch.

Lily was abruptly awakened two hours later by a rather loud band, which her first instinct was to attribute it to the Marauders' experimenting in the Heads' Dormitory once again. However, she soon remembered that she was at home and immediately jumped up to investigate. She could discern nothing from any of the windows on the ground floor so, grabbing her wand, she ventured into the early December morning.

Once she stepped out of her front door, Lily saw what had caused the commotion. Across the street and a few houses down, the Potters' house was completely demolished, and the ghastly skull with a snake protruding from its mouth was hovering just overhead. In another second, she knew Mr. and Mrs. Potter were dead.

That was when Lily's brain stopped functioning; she didn't think, only acted, and her first act was to turn on her heel and disapperate, appearating as close to Hogwarts' grounds as possible. As soon as her feet hit solid ground once more, she began to run, and it was quickly evident that she was taking herself to the Quidditch Pitch. However, Lily still didn't question her body and continued to allow her numb mind to follow its instructions.

The sun was just beginning to rise when she slowed to a stop, and by its waxing light, she could clearly see a figure braving the fierce northern cold to fly endless laps around the Pitch. The person did not notice as Lily entered the Pitch, took a seat on one of the benches on the field, and didn't move.

James Potter descended from the sky an hour later, after his numb body had managed to do the same to his mind. He wouldn't have noticed the still form of Lily if she hadn't shuddered suddenly as he walked by. The abrupt motion caught his eye, and he wandered over in a daze.

"Evans?" he asked, his voice coming out harshly, as if he hadn't used it in a while. James kept making as if to say more but he would only open his mouth and blink rapidly as if not believing she was actually there. "Why are you here?"

Lily didn't answer him as he pulled her off the bench she had been frozen to for the past hour; she just let her eyes express the emotions that words never could.

"I'm sorry, James," she whispered and threw herself over to embrace him. They stood like that for what seemed like ages, each of their shivering bodies trying to donate heat to the other, both trying to cope with the pains of loosing parents (or second parents). James never even realized that she had called him by his first name for the first time in over ten years.

"They won't even let me go to the funeral – if they're even holding one. Something about it being too much of a risk. I don't even know where my parents are being buried! They won't even tell me that. Only that Death Eaters attacked the house, that's all! It's not enough!"

James was leaning heavily on Lily's arms at this point, and she saw him once again with all of his barriers down.

Somehow, Lily and James made it back to their dormitory, collapsing in front of the fireplace as soon as they were past the portrait hole. The young pair in the frame seemed to realize the gravity of the situation and ceased their bickering immediately.

For a few minutes, Lily and James remained in their tangled heap of body parts, neither one moving, neither one speaking, neither one realizing that they were closer than they had been, perhaps in their entire lives.

"Were you home?" James' voice seemed to come out of nowhere, causing Lily to look up suddenly and find him looking straight at her. "Were you home when it happened?" he asked again when she didn't answer, his eyes begging for the knowledge.

Lily wordlessly nodded, then took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I asked Dumbledore to let me go home after the ball instead of waiting until today. He agreed, and I arrived at my house around two. I was woken up by a loud band, went outside, and saw the Dark Mark above your house – which wasn't even really there anymore. It was completely demolished. And it was so silent; I doubt the Aurors had gotten there yet, but I didn't even really think about that – I just came here."

"I found out around five," James said, suddenly looking away from Lily. "It was Voldemort personally. Probably hoping he could get me in the bargain." James' voice was hard. "He's always been after my family."

"You're the last Potter now," Lily said as she suddenly realized the statement. All through her childhood, distant members of James' family had been dying, but she had always attributed it to natural causes; now she knew.

James looked away, and she had her answer. The two teens fell silent, and gave into their mutual grief.


	18. Chapter 18

**The Secrets They Keep**

_The Library, a few days later_

Lily had just escaped into the library from the Great Hall where she had been eating lunch. Peter Pettigrew was in there gathering various items, which, she had assumed, he would be taking to James and Sirus, neither of whom had been seen since the day that Lily had returned to Hogwarts. All of the sudden, the images of that morning poured over Lily, and she remembered how close she had been to James, how she had held him and called him by his first name. She had felt the overwhelming urge to escape form herself and fled to the safest place she knew: the library.

Maybe not even half an hour after she had entered, Lily was interrupted from her work by a shadow and a voice.

"I didn't know you were still at Hogwarts, Lily," Alice said, taking the seat across from her friend. "I thought you were going home."

"I did," Lily replied briefly, hesitant to go into the matter in detail.

"And you're back?" Alice clearly wanted to know the full story – not because she was nosey but because she was concerned about her friend.

"Have either of them come down yet?" Lily asked by means of sidetracking Alice. The other girl gave her friend a curious glance before answering. She didn't need any names to know whom Lily was talking about.

"Sirus and James?" Alice looked at Lily as she said the names, but the red-head made no motion. "They've both taken it hard, as would be expected. Sirus has come down to the Common Room once or twice; James hasn't been seen at all. He did loose his parents, Lily."

"I know," Lily whispered and something in her voice made Alice lock eyes with the other girl. All of the sudden, it clicked.

"You were at home when it happened, weren't you?"  
Alice didn't even need to see Lily's nod to know the truth.

"I had to come back, Alice," Lily whispered, her voice full of the emotions she had been holding back for the past few days. "The house was completely in ruins, the Dark Mark floating overhead… And so quiet, like I was the only one in the whole world that knew. Someone had to be told. I had to come back."

"To James? Because they were his parents?"

"To Hogwarts!" Lily replied immediately, even as she was horrified that Alice could suggest such a thing. "How could you expect me to stay in my house, by myself, after two people were murdered down the street?"

Lily was making excuses, and Alice knew it even without seeing the look on her friend's face. The redhead had come back for James.

"Sirus said he found the two of you together asleep on the couch that morning."

Lily shuddered as the image she had tried so hard to repress resurfaced once more. The morning she had come back, both she and James fell asleep on the couch where they had fallen, still leaning on one another for support. Sirus must have been in and out of the Heads' Dormitory before she woke up because when she did open her eyes, he was sitting in front of her with a triumphant smile on his face.

"You can make sure I'll use this against you forever, Lily," he had said with that scary gleam in his eye. However, his joy was cut short by the haunted look in her own eyes.

"Help him, Sirus," she had begged. "They're dead. The Potters are dead!"

With that, she left just as Sirus collapsed, and she hadn't seen either of them since.

"You don't understand, Alice," Lily was now saying. "I'm the only one who can."

"Not Sirus?"

"Sirus didn't grow up with them. Sirus wasn't with them every day. Sirus didn't have them clean up scraps or comfort him when he was scared. He never cried in front of them or argued in front of them. They were my parents too, and it would be the same if my parents were gone. I hate him, Alice, but his parents just died, and I alone know what that really means."

"I'm sorry, Lil," Alice murmured, but Lily didn't hear; she was once again crying softly to herself, shut out from the rest of the world.


	19. Chapter 19

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Great Hall, one day before classes resume_

A lone owl flew threw the Great Hall as students began to trickle in, waiting the start of supper and the arrival of peers they hadn't seen since before the holidays. Lily, Alice, and Peter were already seated at the Gryffindor table, alone with James and Sirus who had finally been persuaded to leave the Boys' Dormitory. As expected, no one was as lively as usual, but they were all eagerly awaiting Mary's return and any news she would bring.

The owl that had been circling started to slowly make its descent, and after a few minutes, it landed in front of Sirus and held out its burden. Sirus looked up, surprised, as the small bird stopped before him, and he slowly took the letter tied around its leg, opened it, and began to read.

"That's Mary's owl," Alice whispered, more to herself than anyone else. Lily heard but didn't register the words, being too busy watching Sirus' face fall with every line his eyes passed over.

"She's not coming back," he said and put the letter on the table for them all to read.

_Sirus,_

_I hope this reaches you while you're at dinner; I tried to time it right, not too early or too late. I don't want to ruin your last day or cause you worry._

_My parents aren't letting me come back to Hogwarts. They think it's safer if I stay here with them. I've tried to explain that anywhere where Dumbledore is is the safest, but they don't even listen. People are dying left and right, and I guess they want us all to be together when we go down. I've written to Dumbledore to see if he can convince them otherwise, but…well, I have little hope._

_Please tell everyone for me. This letter was hard enough to write, and there's no way I could do it four more times. I expect to hear form all of you on a regular basis, and all of you are welcome over the summer to stay – my parents have no choice in the matter since they're doing this to me. Tell James I'm so sorry about his parents. They were the best of people, and we'll never find another pair like them._

_I love you, Sirus, no matter what physical distance seems to be between us. You're always in my heart._

_All my love to everyone,_

_Mary_

The four Gryffindors all finished reading at a different time, but time didn't matter because after reading those words, it felt like the world had stopped dead in its tracks.

As if with one mind, the four embraced Sirus, leaning across the table to do so, as was the case with Alice and Peter. They didn't let him go, even when the students coming from home suddenly flooded in or when Professor McGonagall walked by and laid a sympathetic hand on Sirus' shoulder. From his high table, the Headmaster looked down on the five students, already having received Mary's appeal, knowing there was nothing he could do to sway her parents' minds.

"We'll write to her every day," Alice was saying. "If she can't come to Hogwarts, we'll bring Hogwarts to her."

However, it was Lily and James, sitting on either side of Sirus, who could feel him shaking and hear his quiet sobs. Remember Remus and his last night, Lily slipped her hand inside of Sirus' and leaned her head against his.

"I know what you're going through, Sirus," she whispered, her voice choking on the tears she was trying to keep at bay. "I'm here if you need me."

_Gryffindor Tower, a few hours later_

Dinner had finally concluded, quite painfully for the five remaining Gryffindors, and at the first chance, they headed back to their common room. Sirus had immediately shut himself up in the Boys' Dormitory, leaving James and Peter staring at each other wondering if they should follow him. Lily was looking off into space in the general direction in which Sirus had disappeared, lost in her own thoughts until Alice's voice snapped her back to reality.

"I'm going upstairs. Come with me, Lil? I want to talk to you."

"It's a school night, Alice. Are you sure this can't wait until tomorrow," Lily began to protest. However, one slight glance from James was enough to send her meekly up the stairs after Alice.

The two girls made their way into the Girls' Dormitory where Lily took a seat on her old bed and Alice began to bustle about the room aimlessly, as if trying to find anything to keep her hands occupied.

"It looks so different," Lily commented as she glanced around the room, not quite feeling as if she belonged.

"And it'll be so much emptier without Mary," Alice added, still fumbling around, now with the papers on her desk. "Are you sure you can't move back in? I'm here all alone."

"I don't think Dumbledore would let me. He moved us out so abruptly, and as Sirus is fond of saying, he did it for a reason." Lily almost chocked over Sirus' name, knowing the pain her was in, but caught herself and continued. "But that's not what you wanted to talk about, is it, Alice? What's wrong?"

"It's not really something that's wrong, per say," Alice started hesitantly, her body facing her friend but eyes cast downward. Lily noticed Alice was playing with something around her neck, which she kept pointedly under her shirt. "Frank asked me to marry him on Christmas Eve." Alice pulled a chain from around her neck to allow Lily to admire the ring.

"Oh, Alice, that's wonderful!" Lily gushed and raced to embrace her friend. After a few moments, she pulled away and looked the other girl straight in the eyes. "What's wrong though? Do you not love him? Has he been cruel to you?"

"No, no! Don't even think that, Lily! Frank has never once harmed a hair on my head, and I'm falling more and more in love with him every day. Lily, you couldn't find a more perfect man…and that's the trouble. It doesn't feel right that I should be so happy, that I should be able to have this with Frank when – when Sirus and Mary won't even be able to see each other anymore."

"Have you told them yet?"

"No." Alice looked down. "I don't want to hurt Sirus – or look like I'm bragging. I mean, it only happened a few days after Mary left."

Lily forced Alice to look over at her. "Alice, we're all hurting because Mary's not here; Sirus isn't the only one. He's not the only one whose love life was abruptly interrupted. He owls her everyday, and I can assure you that he will – if he hasn't already – floo – with or without Dumbledore's permission – to her house to see her at least once a week. Your relationship with Frank persisted every though you only saw him during holidays. Sirus should be happy for you; I am."

"You still miss Remus, don't you?" Alice asked after a minute's silence.

It was Lily's turn to turn away. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Lily, I'm your best friend. You know you can tell me anything."

"You should tell them, Alice, before Mary writes to Sirus, and they end up mad at you after all." Lily got off the bed and pushed Alice toward the door. Alice stopped at the door, as if waiting for Lily. "Are you coming?"

Lily slowly moved to the door and followed Alice out of the dormitory and over to where Peter and James were sitting. Some time during their conversation, Sirus had rejoined his fellow Marauders, and Lily saw Alice tense in front of her. Lily put her hand comfortingly on Alice's shoulder for a few seconds before redirecting her path toward the portrait hole. Ignoring Alice's cries and the curious glances from the three Marauders, Lily left the Common Room.

She was trembling when she collapsed against the wall right outside of the Tower. It was unfathomable how much the thought of Remus still hurt. Lily had managed to suppress the thoughts of her ex-boyfriend, but with Alice's happy news, the memories came flooding back. Suddenly, she missed Remus more than she had the first morning she had found him gone. It wasn't that she was jealous of Alice's good fortune, she just believed that Sirus should continue to count his blessings: he heard from her daily, he could still see her, he knew how she was faring.

Lily was happy for Alice and Frank but very lonely. So she finally got up from against the wall to retreat to her dormitory and her world of studies.


	20. Chapter 20

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Heads' Dormitory, early February_

James had been in and out of the tower that he shared with Lily at least four or five times already, and every time, he found Lily still seated in front of the fire with the same hefty Divination book in her arms, slowly making her way through it. He hadn't recognized the book from a distance so casually walked by to glance at the title. She hadn't even looked up as he came within mere inches of her person and remained there for a full minute trying to gather what she was doing.

"Evans," he finally said, about fifteen minutes before dinner, "what are you doing?"

Lily didn't reply. In fact, she didn't even move as James called her name and sat down behind her. Not getting a response, James grabbed the book form out of her hands. Turning it over, he read the title again before beginning to speak once more.

"You don't even believe in Divination, Evans. It's the one classroom you have never entered within this school. Why are you reading this?"

Lily's only response was to grab another book from the pile beside her and begin to read once more.

"Evans, what is you problem?" James attempted for a final time. "I know you're insane and you work yourself to death, but this is madness." He took her current book from her hands.

This seemed to be the breaking point for Lily. Without giving a single glance to James, she stood up and escaped to her room, and James could hear the click of the lock as the door swung shut.

James hesitated for a moment before standing up himself and walking into his own room. He stared at the open door connecting his room to the bathroom for a few minutes before he heard the sobs that were coming from the other room, and it took another few seconds of staring before he realized that the door between the bathroom and Lily's room was slightly ajar. Not quite thinking, he got off of his bed and stole quietly through the two doors.

James had expected Lily to be laying on her bed so it didn't quite register at first when the afore mentioned object was devoid of life. However, he found her within seconds of his mind springing back into action: the pitiful figure curled up against the closed door, head in her arms, which were then resting on her knees as she tried to quite the sobs wrecking her body.

For a second, James felt his voice catch in his throat. It wasn't often that Lily let him (of all people) see this side of her; she hated for people to think her weak and usually tried to cover up anything that someone could interpret as such. By now, James subconsciously knew her well enough to know when she was hiding, but this display was seen so infrequently. In fact, it nearly threw him off balance.

"Evans, what's the matter?" he asked awkwardly while watching his fellow Head continue to cry. He took a hesitant step toward her but stopped. "Evans…please…"

James was at a loss for what to do. He had a teary girl, broken in front of him, and instinct took over. No longer directing his actions, he took a seat next to Lily and pulled her close against his body. She resisted for a moment, but eventually the comfort of having him there prevailed, and she allowed herself to nestle against his warm figure.

"Evans – Lily, what's the matter?" he tried once more.

"My dad is in the hospital!" she choked out suddenly, every word a struggle against the tears. "Mum won't tell me what's wrong except that he's not looking any better. She's nearly hysterical in her letters but then berates me for worrying. I think he's dying!"

"How long has this been going on?"

"Since Christmas. I came home to a note on the table saying she couldn't leave him, that Petunia would drive me over if I rang…but I never had the chance…" Lily let the words die out, angry at herself for not being able to see her father but also not wanting to relive that night again.

"You're mum's a smart woman; if she says not to worry, it'll turn out alright. There's no possible way you could have prevented anything that happened that night. My parents are dead…" here, James almost choked on his own words, not having ever let that particular phrase pass his lips "…but they knew that would happen when they took the job. There was nothing you could have done. They died to protect people like you and me."

"My sister blames me," Lily cut in and continued speaking even though James tried to silence her. "If my freak magic was good for anything, I'd be able to cure Dad. Or if being a witch was so useful, we'd have a better life and I'd be able to make Mum happier…"

James finally silenced Lily by the sound of her name. "Magic can't solve everything. Look at me." He tilted her head up with a single finger under her chin. "Some things…" However, he was not able to finish he previous thought.

As their eyes connected, both froze as watery emerald met earnest hazel, the sheer emotion coursing through their veins was enough to electrify the room, and they both knew that if one didn't move away soon, they'd end up leaning closer together, their lips would touch, and there would be nothing they could deny any longer.

Lily looked away first, not able to face the implications of what her heart was telling her. James' finger lingered under her chin, but she was no longer casting her eyes on his anxious, now downtrodden, features. As she attempted to stand, she became aware once more of how close she was to her worst enemy. However, before she could do anything to rectify the situation, a name shot through the air, freezing the Heads in their places.

"James!" they heard Sirus call from inside their Common Room. "Lily! Anyone!" Even from the dim recesses of their minds, they could hear the elation in Sirus' voice as he walked into James' room. "I have a letter from Mary and really need to tell someone!"

The two teens perked up immediately at this news, enough in fact, to forget the situation they were currently in. However, their elation fell as they saw Sirus' face turn toward the open doorway leading to Lily's room.

"But this could be much more interesting…" he trailed off and came over to hover above the two Heads. "And what are we doing here?" he asked, smile wide with possibilities. Looming above James and Lily, Sirus had stationed himself in front of the pair in such a way that they couldn't move away as he surveyed the scene. James was no longer touching Lily's face, but he still had one arm behind her back, pulling her close, and Lily was nearly leaning entirely upon James.

Sirus just glanced between the pair, noting silently as Lily leaned forward, wrapping her arms around her knees once more and hugging them to her chest, effectively freeing James' arm, which he slowly brought back in front of him.

"What's your news, Sirus?" he said a little sharper than he had intended.

However, Sirus didn't seem to notice as he bounded away to retrieve the letter he had left in the other room. James stood up slowly as Sirus moved away, and Lily tried to ignore the chill settling into the bottom of her stomach. Soon, Sirus was back, waving a sheet of parchment in his hand.

"You've awfully happy," James noted dryly.

"And I have a very good reason," the other Marauder replied. "Because, just now, I have had a letter from my dear Mary saying that her parents are letting her visit for a few hours on Valentine's Day! And Dumbledore agreed – though I'm sure he'd rather have her stay, but under the conditions, it's the best that could be done." Sirus was so caught up in his excitement that he didn't notice that neither James nor Lily had responded. "Can you believe this? She'll be back in only a little more than a week."

"She's not staying though, Sirus," James said, as if a reminder to his friend not to be so happy.

"What's with you, James?" Sirus asked, suddenly turning on the other Marauder. "I thought you'd be happy to see Mary."

"I am," James replied as he pulled Sirus through his room back into the Heads' Common Room.

"What's wrong with you, mate?" Sirus questioned again, more persistently this time as he turned to face James in the Common Room. "I understand that maybe I'm a little excited about Mary, but what are you doing with Lily?"

"Nothing!"

"Then what was that?" Sirus demanded. The once eccentric Sirus had, in a matter of minutes, turned on his best friend. "I thought you hated her," he continued, almost mockingly.

James didn't answer, and his silence hung in the room, like a profuse weight that had suddenly fallen. Time froze as both felt the tension increase every second until the pressure was nearly unbearable.

"You fancy her, don't you?" Sirus finally said, finally putting words to the thought he had held for so long. When James didn't answer again, Sirus continued. "Why can't you just admit it, James? What happened between the two of you that you can't admit it?"

"It's complicated, Sirus," James said quietly. "Just drop it."  
"So you do fancy her." It wasn't even a question this time, but an absolute statement. "What was so bad?"

"Why don't you ask her?" James finally exclaimed, exasperated. "She's still in there, probably heard everything you said. I'm sure she'd love to tell you about our childhood."

With that, James stormed out of his own Common Room, leaving behind a very bewildered Sirus. However, for all of his confusion, he was pretty sure that his long held suspicions had just been confirmed (and he was sure glad – for the first time in months – that Remus wasn't here).

Sirus began to walk over to Lily's door, but a voice stopped him cold in his tracks.

"Go away, Sirus."

Sirus' mouth almost fell open at the sound of Lily's voice. How she knew he had been going toward her door, how she knew he hadn't left when the portrait hold slammed shut, he had no clue.

"Lily, can we –"

However, Sirus was cut off by a light hex that somehow materialized through her door. He began to back away slowly.

"Suite yourself, Lily, but I'll get it out of you somehow. The secrets you keep can't remain hidden forever." Then he turned and ran, not allowing Lily any more time to throw hexes at him.


	21. Chapter 21

**The Secrets They Keep**

_The Great Hall, Valentine's Day_

The fourteenth of February had fallen on a Sunday this year, which was good and bad for the students of Hogwarts (but five in particular). The annual Valentine's Day Hogsmeade trip had been the day before, and no classes meant that they could spend the duration of Mary's visit with the girl in question in the Common Room, instead of dragging her to class with them. However, it also meant that the Great Hall was full when Mary arrived at ten o'clock, and the entire Hall turned in her direction while beginning to whisper animatedly.

Sirus, who had been unable to sit still previously, froze as the Hall grew subdued and cautiously faced the entrance. To his delight – and relief – Mary was indeed walking into the Great Hall, and as their eyes met, his face broke into a wide grin.

In seconds, he was out of his seat and by her side, pulling her close, not able to express in words how he felt. His actions broke the dam of the students' speculations, and suddenly it seemed as though the whole Hall was surrounding the two of them, a wall of well-wishers happy to see one of their own back home.

As flattering as the gesture was, Mary knew it was hindering her reunion with her friends, and therefore, she was pleased to see James, Peter, and Alice making their way through the ocean of bodies to meet her.

"Let's get out of here," Sirus muttered as soon as James was within earshot. The group nodded, and they finally were able to escape the crowded room. James took the lead almost immediately.

"Where's Lily?" Mary asked as soon as they were freed of their confined quarters.

"Heads' Dorm," James replied without thinking about it.

"Which would explain why we're not anywhere near the Tower," Sirus realized.

"It's more private anyway," James added. "We don't want you to regret this visit."

"Not possible," Mary declared firmly.

"Fine, we don't want to share you." Sirus hugged Mary close from where his arm was still wrapped around her waist. "I missed you so much," he murmured.

"It doesn't seem like you're the only one," Mary replied, referring to the scene in the Great Hall.

"Yeah, but you're not spending the entire day with them."

"That's because I missed you guys the most."

James, Peter, and Alice turned away discretely as Mary tilted her head up to meet Sirus' lips with her own. Then, before they knew it, James was giving the password to the bickering male and female who stopped their argument long enough to welcome Mary.

"They seem to be getting along better," she commented after returning the greeting.

"And I see you were able to get the password set on time."

"She's always here," James mumbled under his breath, and Mary was surprised to hear what sounded like regret in his tone. She raised her eyebrows at Sirus who just shook his head in response. Now was not the time to get into that.

Lily didn't move from the couch she was on when she heard the portrait hole swing open, incorrectly assuming that it was only James (never having heard that Mary was arriving this early), which allowed the visiting Gryffindor to sneak up behind her seated friend.

"I've missed you so much, Lily-Flower!"

Lily had stiffened slightly when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her shoulders, and the relief and shock when she realized it was Mary was evident in her face – and her breathing.

"Mary," she began, trying to keep her voice steady but not able to keep out the tremble, "how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?"

Mary came around to the front of the couch and took a seat, prompting the rest of the group to do the same.

"Three months, Lily, and that's the first thing I get from you?"

"I'm sorry, Mary," Lily replied, pretending to sound sheepish. "Did I ever tell you how grateful I am that you had the foresight to leave me a dress for the Yule Ball because you knew that I'd managed to be a wreck somehow?"

"Only about a hundred million times, in every letter you've sent me." Mary laughed, and the crystal clear sound caused Lily to hug her friend even tighter.

"I've missed you so much."

"I know, Lils, but don't think about it. We have the whole day."

"You're not going to want to spend some time with Sirus later?" Lily asked bluntly.

"You don't honestly think that he's stayed away?"

Lily partially turned to Alice with a smug look on her face. "Told you so." Alice just rolled her eyes.

"Have you guys been talking about me behind my back again?"

"Of course, Sirus. What else is there to talk about other than your love life?"

"Your choice of apparel?"

Lily sighed as she looked down, realizing that she was still in her pajamas.

"It's Sunday morning, I hadn't realized that you guys would be invading so early."

"Ten? I didn't realize you had a new definition of early, Lils," Mary laughed and the rest of the room joined in her mirth. "What have you done to her, James?"

Sirus shot his head over in warning, but James just shrugged harmlessly – as did Lily. The incident blew over quickly as Mary turned to congratulate Alice on her engagement, and the day began to fly by.

About an hour before dinner as Mary was explaining the futile attempts her parents were making at keeping her occupied away from school, an owl found its way through one of the windows of the tower that the six Gryffindors were in and deposited a thin letter on Lily's lap. She glanced at it briefly before seeming to return, engrossed, into the conversation before her. If anyone had noticed the incident, they made no comment, and to an outside observer, it seemed as though Lily had forgotten about the message on her lap.

The sound of someone's stomach growling suddenly broke the easy conversation to remind everyone of the time.

"I guess that means dinner," Mary noted regretfully.

"Cheer up, Mary," Sirus said, keeping his tone still light, "you know how long it takes us to eat."

"How could I ever forget," Mary laughed and stood up with everyone else.

"I'll catch up with you guys in a few minutes," Lily said as she too stood.

"Are you sure?" Sirus asked while Mary questioned, "Is everything okay?"

"It's fine. I just have to change." Lily gestured to her pajamas with both hands, the letter suddenly tucked away. "I can't really go down like this."

"Do you want us to wait?" This time it was Alice. "We really don't mind."

"No, it's fine. Don't deprive your starving bodies food on my account." With that, Lily turned away form the group and calmly walked into her room, leaving the whole room to only be able to glance back and forth among themselves.

"So, should we wait for her?" Alice asked again.

"She said we should go, Alice," Sirus replied. "She probably just doesn't want us waiting around while she changes."

The five finally left, following Sirus' lead down to the Great Hall, each one hoping (though Mary particularly) that they wouldn't be swarmed again like upon her arrival. Luckily, everyone seemed to take their presence as a given this time around. Unluckily, Lily never showed up for dinner.

"Say 'good-bye' to Lily for me," Mary was saying as she was standing outside of the Headmaster's office after dinner with James, Sirus, Peter, and Alice. Lily still hadn't shown up, even though she knew exactly when Mary was going to be leaving. "And let me know what's wrong. I wasn't the only one who saw that owl or the way she tried to pretend the letter in her lap didn't exist."

"We will," Sirus promised, and with the last farewells, last hugs, and a last kiss, Mary gave the stone gargoyle Professor Dumbledore's password. The other four watched Mary disappear, their moods falling with every inch she moved away from them.

"Why do I feel like I'm never going to see her again?" Sirus asked rhetorically.

"She's just gone from the castle, Sirus," Peter replied, trying to sound more lighthearted than he felt. "It's not like you don't sneak over there at least once a week. Why don't we go back to the Tower instead of standing here in the middle of the corridor?"

"Good idea, Pete," Sirus responded after a few seconds of silence. "Coming, James?"

"You guys go ahead," James said almost absent mindedly, already heading in a different direction than the Gryffindor Tower. "I'm going to go back to my dorm."

"Alright, see you later, mate," Sirus called hesitantly along with Peter and Alice who were also bidding good night to James. He didn't like it though. Lily was in the Heads' Dormitory, distressed over whatever was in that letter she had tried to hide, and now James was going to find out. The facts didn't sit well in Sirus' mind, and he was becoming more and more convinced of two things: one, that James really did fancy Lily, and two, that the mysteries behind their mutual animosity were soon to become unraveled.

When Sirus turned to call out to James once more, he found that the messy-haired boy had already turned the corner and was no longer in sight.

The walk from the Headmaster's office to the base of the Astronomy Tower seemed to take decades as James tried to keep himself from running. There was no point, Lily would still be in their dormitory, worrying over the information in the letter, not wanting to se anyone – him least of all. It was news about her dad, undeniably, though why she felt the need to pretend the letter itself didn't exist, he couldn't fathom. It wasn't like Mary was there to snatch it out of her hands and read it aloud to the whole group. Alice surely would ask if everything was okay but let the matter drop as soon as Lily's lie crossed her lips. Sirus would send her a curious glance that she would ignore. Peter would be too close-mouthed to say anything. What about him? Could it be that she was fearful that he had guessed and would expose her trial to the rest of them causing them to shower her with concern and pity that she neither needed nor wanted? She should know…

However, what Lily should have known was cut off abruptly as James reached the portrait of the bickering pair ensnared in a mass of vines. James quickly gave the password and climbed inside to find the Common Room just as he had imagined: deserted. Just as he had feared, Lily's door was closed (and locked, he assumed), only further confirming his suspicions. He would have tried it, for good measure, but one always had to be wary around the girl when she was distraught; today was not the day to end up in the Hospital Wing.

"I know you're in your room," James called, "behind that closed door, trying to hide from something that you can't even hide from." The words themselves sounded harsh, but James' tone conveyed more than just the literal meaning. He brought with them the more gentle, soothing meaning that few would believe him capable of. He wanted her to stop hiding, stop shutting herself off from her friend, because they wanted to care too and couldn't while she hid. James was surprised that _he_ cared – not surprised that he did care (because he always had), just surprised how easy it was to admit it to himself. "What's the news, Lily?" _Let me help you._ A silent plea.

There was no answer from the other side of the door, but James thought he heard wood reverberate on other wood, an indication that Lily was shaking, causing the door to vibrate slightly against its frame.

Suddenly, there was no hesitation. James entered his bedroom, slipped into the bathroom, and, as if he had known it would be open the whole time, crossed through the door into Lily's room. As he had suspected, she was curled up against the door, head buried in her knees, arms wrapped around her legs. James immediately raced over to her, sat down, and took her body in his arms. This time, Lily didn't struggle but allowed herself to be comforted by James' warm embrace.

"What's the matter?" he asked again, finally. James ran his finger down her check wiping at the tears that had dried there. "What did you letter say?"

Lily didn't answer, just reflexively closed her fist tighter. There was no way he could let her go on like this. It had to come out, if for nothing more than her own sanity.

"Lily…" he let the name out slowly, carefully, as if afraid of what it could do, "what's the news about your dad?"

Again, Lily didn't respond right away, but out of the corner of his eye, James saw a crumpled sheet of paper fall to the ground. He tried not to move too much as he reached for it and then scanned the contents quickly. Per usual, Mrs. Evans was telling her youngest daughter not to worry, not to try to leave school to visit her father, but there was an undertone of hysteria that he had never witnessed from the woman. As she was telling her daughter that the doctors were doing everything in their power, James could sense what the woman was hiding: it's not enough. Her husband was rapidly deteriorating, and nothing anyone was doing was slowing down the inevitable. It was no wonder Lily was telling no one; the pain from every heartfelt look would kill her within minutes.

"I love him," Lily finally whispered, desperately struggling not to have the tears overpower her again. "And I'll never be able to tell him."

"He knows," James whispered back. "He knows."


	22. Chapter 22

**The Secrets They Keep**

_Transfiguration, two weeks later_

Professor McGonagall was watching her NEWT class practice their conjuring spells when there was a knock on the classroom door. To everyone's surprise – perhaps, most of all, the professor's – the Headmaster entered the room.

"Can I speak with you for a minute, Minerva?" Heads turned immediately at his question. It was highly rare for Professor Dumbledore to interrupt any class and even more rare for him to be so unapologetic.

"Of course, Albus." Professor McGonagall turned back to her class, trying to keep the anxiety out of her voice; she could clearly see the looks being passed around the room and did not want to alarm her students further by displaying her fears. "Please take your seats and begin on your homework: two feet of parchment on the benefits of conjuring over transfiguring." She then followed the Headmaster out of the room.

As soon as the door clicked shut, the noise began. Whispers spread from mouth to mouth as the students speculated on what could be so important for the Headmaster to pull their professor from the middle of her lesson. "Attack" was the most frequent word being murmured around, and the class shook with the full weight of the implication. With the prospects of being in the middle of the war in a few short months hanging over their heads, the sentiment was more frightening than for others who felt safe and protected within the walls of Hogwarts.

James, Sirus, Peter, Alice, and Lily had immediately moved close together, almost too worried to speculate along with the rest of their classmates. They had heard Professor Dumbledore's words, saw the fear of their House Head. An attack seemed like the only explanation, but what family? Who would hear the devastating news tonight? Who would be missing class tomorrow and crying all weekend? Those weren't questions that were answerable from the words or fear, and all five Gryffindors hoped that their professor was out there because she was the Deputy Headmistress and not the Head of their House.

It seemed like hours before Professor McGonagall walked back through the door, alone. She seemed to brush at something in her eye as she opened the door, but it was gone as soon as she had entered the classroom, hands now shaking lightly as they rested on the back of a chair.

"Class will be dismissed in a few minutes," she told them shortly but allowing her students to hear the shake of her voice none the less. "The rest of the period will be yours to do with what you would like, and you may leave as soon as you pack up." The room started to move hesitantly. "However, if the five from my House would remain behind, I would like to speak with you."

The five Gryffindors shared worried glances as the rest of the students packed up their bags and filed quickly out of the classroom. When they were the only ones left, they quickly rose, crossed the open area in the middle of the room, and formed a loose semi-circle around where Professor McGonagall stood, not facing them. The group was tense, waiting for what their Head could possibly need to tell them, and every second seemed to drag out interminably as they braced themselves for the news she could be carrying.

They were waiting, but nothing could have prepared them for the anguish and pain they saw on her face when she finally turned to them or the words that would soon come out of her mouth.

"I don't know how to tell you this," she began, her voice braking no matter how she tried to hold it together, "but there has been another attack, on our own House. Death Eaters found the MacDonalds at home late yesterday afternoon. They did not survive."

Professor McGonagall didn't have to be looking at her students to know if the words has sunk in or not; she could feel it, feel as their minds all thought the word "dead" and then stopped working all together.

"The loss will be made public at dinner tonight. No one expects you to be there; no one expects you to be a strong model for the other students." Professor McGonagall no longer attempted to hide her emotions; she let herself grieve with her students. "The Headmaster thought it would be best if you were excused from classes tomorrow, to allow you to mourn without feeling pressured to put up appearances. Help one another; comfort one another. It is not easy to loose a friend –" here, her voice broke, even more so than before, "– and Mary is not replaceable. Please, go and do what you must to cope with the pain, and do not hesitate to speak to anyone here; we all are open ears, ready to help any time."


	23. Chapter 23

**The Secrets They Keep**

_The Heads' Dormitory, the next morning_

For a few seconds, Lily's mind was blissfully numb when she woke up, but the feeling didn't last for long. As she opened her eyes to see her friends curled up tightly around her common room, to watch Sirus turn fitfully on the couch across from her, wincing every time the light reflected off of his dried tears, to feel James leaning protectively over her, the scenes of the afternoon before came flooding back: Professor McGonagall giving the news about Mary and her family, their long silent walk from the classroom, James wordlessly leading them to the Heads' Dormitory, then the senseless babble that broke out as they each tried to cope with the loss.

There had been crying involved. Sirus and Alice had tears pouring down their faces by the time their small group had stumbled through the portrait hole; Lily had just tried to hold herself together until one of the crimson armchairs could absorb her tears, and she was dimly aware that this was when James had come to hover over her. Peter had shuffled back and forth between Alice and Sirus, but ended up gravitating toward the prior as the latter refused to be consoled. James and Lily had made the attempt to pull Sirus up between them, but he had refused to move from his solitary spot across from them and eventually let his grief lull him into a fitful slumber.

Once sleep's numbness had lost its hold completely on Lily, she became fidgety, and every second that she remained seated turned into agony. Carefully, without waking the boy next to her, she stood up and left the room, letting her feet lead her body, willing her mind to take no action.

When Lily stopped, she found herself outside of Professor McGonagall's office, and surprisingly a figure was moving around inside – even though Lily had been pretty sure that her clock had read four a.m. when she had left the dormitory.

"What can I do for you, Lily?" She had barely opened the door when Professor McGonagall was by her side, ushering her in. "How are you holding up?"

Lily let herself be led inside and seated in front of the fire. She was glad for the physical distraction because the questions that were forming in her mind after seeing where her feet had led her were not ones that she wanted to dwell upon.

Nonetheless, Lily found herself speaking, her voice coming out harsh and broken from lack of use.

"Professor, there have been a lot of attacks lately. Students get letters from the black owls, and we all see that. But I know the professors have contacts outside of this school, the Headmaster especially. How many have you lost? Friends you were at school with? Are there blacks owls for you, or does it come in a different form? Is there anything worse than those letters?"

Professor McGonagall closed her eyes and pressed her lips together for a brief moment before looking back over at her distraught Head Girl.

"Lily," she began, choosing her words carefully, "you aren't a first year, and there's no reason for me to shield you from the truth. This is the world you will be entering in a few short months because the solution to this mess will not have presented itself by then. I'm not asking you to be strong for the younger students; as much as this loss hurts us, that is what the professors are here for. Let yourself grieve. Be with your friends. Help one another. Then worry about what else the future holds."

Lily was acutely aware that Professor McGonagall had not answered her questions, but before she had a chance to press the matter, the older witch was speaking once more.

"It's early, Lily. Spend the day with your friends. There's nothing you can do today."

Lily took that as a dismissal. With a nod, she thanked her professor, bid her good day, and left the room. It had been a fool's errand, she knew, but the simple act of just asking the questions seemed to relieve some of the pressure that had been building up inside of her mind. It would make the difficult day ahead just eh slightest bit easier, and Lily, at least, felt that she could grieve with her friends.

Lily slowly let her feet lead her back to her dormitory where she was hoping that no one was awake yet; she didn't feel like answering a storm of questions about here whereabouts or see any of the concerned looks she would be the recipient of when they knew of her intended goal. They each had their own grief to deal with, and they didn't need the added weight of her own. So absorbed was she in these thoughts that she didn't, at first, realize the silence coming from the painting covering the entrance to her dormitory. When she was met with two pleasant greetings and two sincere phrases of comfort, however, did she notice the difference in the young man and woman guarding the rooms.

They were no longer fighting and they were no longer entangled in the snares of the vines that had previously held them captive. In fact, they seemed to be guarding one another's backs against the tricky plants, watching for an unannounced attack. They, at least, had found some comfort in the dark times.

James looked over expectantly at the portrait hole when it opened and Lily walked through. Neither said anything as Lily sat back down in the only available seat, the one next to James, hoping he would stay on the other half.

"Where were you?" James asked as he drifted closer to the girl who had just taken a seat. The question wasn't demanding but merely curious – maybe even crossed with a trace of worry.

"Talking to McGonagall."

"At five in the morning?" Now James' voice was saturated with earnest concern. He tried to say more, but the words kept catching in his throat. "About what?" he finally managed to get out.

Lily took a small breath and let her eyes briefly wander around the room as she pondered how to answer his inquiry.

"I was just wondering how hard it is for the professors to deal with all of this. They know so many people outside of this school; they have connections in the Ministry. They must have friends who have died, yet they always stand so strong before the students. It's so exemplary."

James just stared at Lily for a long moment before slowly shaking his head and letting out a deep breath. "You don't have to be perfect all of the time." Usually, this statement was laced with sarcasm and loathing, but it came out entirely different this morning. It was almost regretful, yet full of awe for the girl was took everything that she could handle and more upon her shoulders. "You are allowed to have your weaknesses."

A movement from the couch opposite where they were seated caught the eyes of both James and Lily. Sirus shifted to face his body toward the pair and slowly opened his eyes.

"Why does it take a tragedy to bring the two of you together?" he croaked, voice breaking with lack of use.

James just gave Sirus a weak smile, but Lily tried to move farther away from him and blushed slightly, something that did not escape Sirus' notice.

"Please, Lily, give us a story."

Lily almost caved then when she heard the pleading tone of Sirus' voice. It was tempting to give in, to get everything out in the open, but she quickly dismissed it as an impossibility. Nothing could ever be resolved that easily. So she settled for just shaking her head.

"You know that you're going to tell me someday – I saw you almost give in there. Why can't you distract me with a story?"

"Why can't we just drown our sorrows in food, like other people do?"

A strange look crossed Sirus' face at Lily's words, like he was struggling with himself and struggling against some image that his mind was conjuring.

"Would – Can –"

"Mary would approve," Alice said from the floor next to Sirus' chair, cutting off the questions he was unable to ask.

"I didn't know you were awake, Alice," Lily blurted out, almost too quickly. The blond girl opened her eyes and gave her friend a tired stare.

"It wasn't really an easy night," Alice replied quietly before repeating her previous statement to Sirus. "She wouldn't mind, Sirus. You should have seen her the night she found out she couldn't stay for the Yule Ball – up to her elbows in ice cream."

Both girls allowed themselves a weak smile, and the three Marauders even chuckled briefly, Peter waking up at the sound of Alice's voice. However, the noise ended awkwardly, as each of the Gryffindors felt ashamed at being happy so close to Mary's death.

"You know that's what she would want," Alice reflected, her voice once more quiet. She continued explaining when she saw the four confused faces turned in her direction. "She would want us to remember her with a smile and a laugh, not just for the fact that she's not here anymore. Yes, she would approve of us stuffing our faces in her memory, especially if it's partnered with funny memories of her, happy memories."

"Let's go pay tribute to Mary, then," Sirus announced while standing up. The other four swiftly followed suit. Although it felt wrong and disrespectful to smile and laugh, they all knew that Alice had spoken true, and although the loss was devastating, they knew that remembering Mary as the spark that she had been would make it much easier to cope.


	24. Chapter 24

**The Secrets They Keep**

_The Great Hall, the following Monday_

The day had felt rather long on the Monday that the five Gryffindors were expected to resume classes after being given an extended weekend to grieve. The day would have been fine if they didn't have to deal with all of the pitying looks the other students were giving them and all the space the have received from their professors. The point of going back to class was to get back into a normal routine, which had been all but impossible.

"Does anyone know how Lily's doing?" Alice asked while pushing her place away from her. Meals had become a welcome relief because everyone else left them well enough alone. Only Lily had been absent from every meal, and James had only shown up briefly to grab food before disappearing again. Normally, this behavior was not out of place, at least not for Lily, but the situation being what it was, the five Gryffindors were watching out for one another. It was worrying Sirus, Peter, and Alice that they had not seen Lily all day, and they each had an uncanny feeling that James knew more than he was telling them.

"I keep trying to ask James," Peter started, "because he's the only one who has classes with her today, but it's like I'm not even there. He's been looking right through me. I think he's taking her food."

"Then she wasn't in class today – or she would have gone down to the kitchens herself." Alice and Peter could hear Sirus' voice harden as his temper flared – something that had been happening quite frequently during the past three days. He stood up abruptly.

"Sirus, where are you going?"

"Don't jump to conclusions."

Sirus paid Peter and Alice's words no mind as he all but stalked out of the Great Hall and began the journey to the Heads' Dormitory. Rage colored his vision a livid red, not even allowing himself to think anymore. There wasn't any explanation for why she was missing class except that she decided that she could have more time than Professor McGonagall had allowed them. It didn't cross Sirus' mind that Lily never disobeyed a professor or that she would never take anything more than what she was allotted; he just kept to his rampage.

When Sirus made his way inside the Heads' Dormitory, after giving the two still cooperating figures in the portrait the password, he found Lily lying curled up on the same couch she had shared with James only a few days before. She consumed his vision entirely that he didn't even notice James was hovering off to one side.

"You think you're just an exception to every rule, don't you, Lily Evans," Sirus spit out in the most accusing manner. "Don't have to go to class today, do we? I suppose you're just hurting more than the rest of us."

Lily didn't answer any of his accusations. In fact, her only response was to curl herself up even tighter. However, James began to make his way over to Sirus, to try to position himself between his best mate and the object of the other Marauder's anger.

"Sirus, don't…" James tried to put in, but Sirus turned on him in the same accusing manner.

"So that's how it is now, James? I see. Take her side over your best mate's. Stand up for her because of whatever relationship you two are forming. You can't ignore that she's abusing McGonagall's policy."

"McGonagall gave her the day off," James replied, answering Sirus' harsh allegation with his own calm, soft tone.

"Why does she need more than the rest of us? We all dealt with everything today. What makes her exempt from feeling their pitying stares? If we can take it, so can she."

"Sirus," James said painfully, "her dad died last night."

The silence in the room became a heavy cloud as the words hit Sirus and sunk in, one by one. Realization, comprehension, and sorrow began to express themselves, and James was able to see Sirus' rage melt away.

"I had no idea…"

"He was sick for a while. She didn't want anyone to know."

"Lily, I'm so sorry," Sirus breathed as he went over to comfort the girl who looked like she thought she could keep herself in one piece by maintaining a physical hold on her body. Both boys knew it wasn't going to be that easy.


	25. Chapter 25

**The Secrets They Keep**

Heads' Dormitory, four days later

Lily had felt like she was the one who had died when she had gone back to classes the day after Sirus had thrown all of his accusations at her. Professor McGonagall had excused her from class for the rest of the week, but Lily just wanted to get back into her normal routine as quickly as possible.

Yes, she was absolutely devastated, especially having not seen her dad since the end of the last school year, and working was the only means of escape she could find to hold at bay the feelings of guilt she now was harboring. James had explained the whole tale to Sirus, once the latter had been able to comprehend what had happened – both boys glancing uneasily at Lily the whole time as she curled herself into an even tighter ball. Sirus was then the one who had conveyed the unhappy news to Alice and Peter who had tried their best to make life easier for their friend.

Somehow, they had all made it through the week, and the tension that was lifted from the Gryffindor Tower could be felt all the way in the Great Hall. However, nerves were still stretched tight in the Heads' Dormitory: Lily was jumpy – checking the clock every other minute and twitching at even the slightest noises. She tried to read but just couldn't keep still for any period of time.

When James walked through the portrait hole, Lily very nearly jumped out of her seat. James hurried to her side, not letting his worried eyes leave her for a second.

"What's wrong, Lily?" he asked anxiously. "Aren't you supposed to be leaving? I know you may not want to go, but you'll regret it later if you don't."

"No, I'm going home…"

The hesitation in Lily's voice made James cut in before she could even finish her sentence.

"But weren't you supposed to leave half an hour ago? Shouldn't you at least be down in Dumbledore's office?"

Lily looked away from him and actually blushed.

"I was waiting for you," she mumbled so low that James almost didn't catch it.

"You didn't have to; I knew you were leaving." James regretted the words as soon as he heard the way they sounded. "No! That's not what I meant. I'm just not sure why you were waiting for me."

"I – Well, you see – would –" Lily cut herself off then blurted out her request without thinking any further about it. "Come with me?"

James blinked a few times and looked thoroughly confused for a couple seconds, as if trying to process her words. However, he finally stopped floundering around like a fish out of water long enough to reply to Lily's question.

"You want me to come home with you and go to your dad's funeral."

Lily nodded.

"You could stay at my house, my mum would love to have you. And it's fitting. He thought of you as his son. Please."

James was not going to turn down her request, but had he even been considering it, he would have dismissed the refusal at the look on her face. She was pleading with him, in all earnestness, pleading, as if she thought he actually had the power to say "no". Her expression was almost endearing in a way, or at least a welcomed change from the tired grief he had seen on her face for the past week.

"Of course I'll come," he replied quickly, watching with pleasure as her face broke out into a soft smile. "I'm honored. Just let me pack a few things, and I'll be ready to leave."

Fifteen minutes later, Lily and James were entering the Headmaster's office, both sobered and mentally preparing themselves to enter a painful scene.

"Ah, Miss Evans, I see you were able to locate Mr. Potter," Professor Dumbledore addressed Lily as the two Gryffindors assembled before their Headmaster.

"Yes, sir," Lily replied. "Thank you."

James had never given it a second thought – his getting permission to leave the castle for the weekend. Of course Lily would have thought of everything before hand. Even with her life falling apart at the seams, she still managed to provide for everyone. He almost let out a sigh of awe in appreciation of everything she was.

"Do you think we could be going, sir?" Lily asked after a few moments of silence.

"Of course, Miss Evans. This fireplace has been connected to your house and shall be again on Sunday. If you need anything, do not hesitate to ask. And let me once more express my sympathy for your loss." He gave them a kind smile.

"Thank you, sir," Lily replied as she took a handful of the green powder that the Headmaster was offering her. James just nodded and followed suit. A few minutes later, he followed where Lily had led, letting the world spin into oblivion.

_Lily's house, a few seconds later_

As James tumbled out of the fireplace, he found himself in the middle of the Evans' sitting room. _How ironic,_ he though. The last time he had been to the Evans' house, he had been on the very edge of this room, bothering Lily about her reading list while inviting her to dinner with his parents. The atmosphere had been so much lighter then he realized as he stood up to brush himself off. Even though he had been doing his best to wind her up, and she had been furious, it was nothing as heavy as the utter still that was the Evans' household now.

When James did finally look up, he was met with the very cross glare of Lily's sister. Seeing the way Petunia stared him down in complete loathing gave him reason to believe that the Evans' sisters had more in common than they were willing to admit.

"You brought him with you?" Petunia hissed. "I already had to explain all of this nonsense to Vernon when you suddenly tumbled out of the fireplace, and now you expect me to be accommodating for the both of you?"

Violet Evans, at the sound of Petunia's voice, looked up from where she was hugging her youngest daughter. James noted that she was very put together, just as he had always remembered, but her bright eyes and soft smile had been touched by the hard hand of death; it would takes years to remove the grief that was stained there.

"Oh, Lily," he heard Mrs. Evans sigh before he was being enveloped in her arms while she briefly beamed approvingly at her younger daughter. "Thank you, James, for coming. You have no idea what this means to all of us. And George would have been so pleased…"

James tried to focus on her words, but his eyes drifted over to where Petunia was cornering Lily, and he suddenly couldn't force his attention elsewhere.

"I thought you hated him, Lily," Petunia hissed – it seemed her voice only had one tone today. "But you bring him home from school to come to Dad's funeral? It would be different if he had just been in the neighborhood and chanced to stop by. How am I supposed to explain this to Vernon? Because I suppose he's going to have to stay here, after all, it doesn't seem like he has much of a house left."

Lily waited as patiently as she would for Petunia to finish her rant, and James could see how much control was going into keeping her tongue in check instead of merely lashing out at her sister.

"He has every right to be here, Petunia," Lily retorted, trying to keep her voice calm and low as to not disrupt their mother. However, Mrs. Evans was still talking to James so he doubted she would really notice her daughters' exchange. "Dad was as much of a father to James as he was to us, just as the Potters were parents to us as well as James. If I had had the chance to pay my respects at their funeral, I would have done so in a heartbeat."

"And why didn't you?" Some private magical affair?"

"If you haven't noticed by now, I am magical, too, but no. They didn't get a funeral; someone thought it would be too dangerous."

"Caskets might crush you?"

Lily was silent, shaking with the silent rage which had no outlet. It took a moment, but she pulled herself together, composed enough to retort once more without raising her voice. "They were murdered, if you'd care to remember something besides your own life for five minutes. A funeral for the two of them would draw every decent wizard and witch from the island. It would only take seconds to kill them all."

"Because that would be such a shame," Petunia mumbled.

What happened next came almost too fast for James to register. He was having an out of body experience, listening to Lily spar with her sister over his family, and then before he knew it, there was a sharp crack as Lily slapped her sister full across the face and was gone before Petunia even had the chance to feel the pain.

In the next second, however, she was wailing, bringing a large man, whom James knew as her recent husband Vernon Dursley, from the other room, and causing Mrs. Evans to break off mid-sentence and finally step away from James.

"Oh, James," she said before going to comfort her daughter, "I really can't tell you how much this means to me, and I know it means the world to Lily, too. Thank you, thank you for being here."

She stepped toward her eldest just as Petunia began her fruitless calls once more, and with Vernon, they began to comfort the hysterical woman.

James, not really caring how Petunia was faring, went off in search of Lily. It wasn't that he didn't care how she was, because he knew what a big hole the absence of a parent could leave, he just knew Lily was in the right and needed the support at the moment. Ignoring the scene behind him, he went up the stairs to the upper hall where he knew Lily's room would be the last one of the left. He had traveled this path hundreds of times, but never with as pure a motive as he carried now.

James had to finally admit to himself that he had been a horrible brat to Lily when they were younger, mostly because she kept close company with Snevillious whom he had despised from the get go.

However, he brushed the thoughts away as Lily's door came into view, and the sight of it closed tightly gave him the moment hesitation that he found he always had lately in this situation. While he had been brought up to knock on doors before entering, he knew that this was one of those times in which Lily probably wouldn't answer.

So he compromised, knocking to announce his presence but entering without being told to do so. Sure enough, Lily didn't even move away from the window when James entered, and when he joined her, he followed her gaze to the wasted plot of land where his house had once stood. Even though it had been destroyed two months prior, there was still nothing there – no house, expectantly, but not even any plants or wildlife. The magic that usually would foster growth had been tainted when used for evil and was continuing to suck the life out of the land.

"I'm sorry, James," Lily whispered when she felt his arms go around her. He tried to make her face him, but her eyes refused to leave the devastating sight.

"Lily, there is nothing you need to apologize for. You did not kill my parents; you had nothing to do with their deaths."

"No, it's not that," Lily said suddenly, before James could finish, "although, I am sorry for how hard this must be. I'm sorry that I asked you to come. I didn't realize how low Petunia would be. I thought she'd understand with Dad dying and everything, not that she'd go and say that." Lily turned to face James with tears in her eyes. "She hates me, but I never thought…"

"Please, Lily, don't…" James couldn't finish. His heart was thumping wildly, and before he knew it, he was holding her face and wiping away her tears. Then he came so close to kissing her without exactly knowing why, but he put that part of himself in check and contented himself with holder her close, letting her cry. All of the pent up anger, frustration, fear, grief, and uncertainty came pouring out in one flood, and James suddenly remembered that in the past couple of days, he had not seen Lily cry once after she had received the news about her dad. It was almost a relief for him to see her like this, instead of the living wreck she had been the few days previously.

"Please don't go," Lily pleaded quickly as she felt James begin to move away. "I don't care if anyone's coming, not my mum or Petunia or Sirus or even if it was Professor McGonagall."

"I'm not leaving you, Lily," James assured her as he grabbed her hand. "I just want to sit down."

He led her by the hand over to her bed and sat down. Still not letting go of her for a second, he pulled her into his lap, let her curl herself against his body, and then rocked her, doing all that he could to ease her pain.


	26. Chapter 26

**The Secrets They Keep**

_The graveyard, the next day_

The funeral had been beautiful, as they all are, in that terribly sad way they have. In the brightest of late winter sunlight, they had buried George Evans, a loving husband, dedicated father, and loyal friend. James knew that the words could never comfort the grieving family, which was why he was still in this sprawling field a little ways off from Lily as she said her own good-bye to the deceased.

Her mother hadn't wanted to leave Lily alone here, not quite sure how she would hold up, but neither she nor Petunia could bear to remain. James offered his services, which were immediately taken up on as the two older Evans women left the youngest of their clan.

"I'm sorry, Dad." James was doing his best not to listen, but the wind would carry her phrases over to his ears at times. As much as he didn't want to invade her privacy, James found it soothing to listen to her words. It gave him the closure he had been lacking after the deaths of his own parents. Just listening to her soft voice, it felt as though a tremendous weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"I miss you, and I love you," James whispered just as he heard the wind bearing the same sentiments from Lily. She looked over at him suddenly as if feeling his thoughts and made the attempt to smile. It wasn't the same easy one that had used to light up her face, but it was a step in the right direction.

"Let's go home," James suggested holding out his had as she began to walk toward him. So they did.


	27. Chapter 27

**The Secrets They Keep**

_The Heads' Dormitory, a few weeks later_

Ever since George Evans' funeral, Lily and James had become practically inseparable. They partnered up in class, they ate meals together, walked the corridors together, patrolled together, almost never left the other's sight. It almost seemed like they thought the other would disappear forever if gone for a second.

The castles was, to put it mildly, shocked at the pair's behavior when they returned the following Monday. Or maybe confused would have been a better way to phrase it. While relatively few people knew about the animosity between the two Heads, seeing them so close together made them realize that they had never been consistently this physically close before. However, no one could figure out what was going on between them. If they were an item, they were the least physical Hogwarts had ever seen; if they were just friends, why did they never leave one another's side?

Sirus had just as many questions and doubts as the rest of the students (and a fair number of the professors) only he had an extra advantage: access to the Heads' Dormitory. So he saw the public displays of attentiveness but no contact that everyone else saw, but he was also able to witness what went on out of the public eye.

Every night, without fail, since they had returned, once in the safety of their Common Room, James would sit on the couch with Lily in his lap and hold her. She would read aloud from her notes or a textbook for whatever class they were being tested in next, for their mutual benefit. Sirus had been witness to what he considered this odd scene several times. Odd not only because it was such an intimate position considering their former animosity, but also because Sirus was beginning to hear rumors, rumors he was more and more inclined to believe every passing day.

"Sirus, we're not going out," Lily would assure him every time he asked, barely breaking from her reading. James would just continue to sit in silence, running a hand through her hair, occasionally, but mostly just holding her.

Sirus was inclined to believe her, especially seeing as James never did any more than touch her hair and her waist, never any kisses on the top of her head or brushing away a stray lock of hair from her face as most couples were prone to do. However, that didn't stop Sirus from having his suspicions, and he tended to investigate wherever his hunches led him.

"Why don't you two just get together?" Sirus would always ask next, watching as Lily and James would predictably shift uncomfortably for a few seconds before Lily would inevitably answer, "It's not that easy, Sirus."

Tonight was no different. Sirus was in the Heads' Dormitory watching the pair at their odd ritual. He had already asked the two expected questions, watched the Heads shuffle around, heard Lily give her replies, but tonight, after nearly a month, Sirus didn't feel like playing their games any longer.

"And why not, Lily? It's not as if you'll be shocking the school; they're all waiting for it. They don't know about your feud; there's nothing to explain."

Sirus watched Lily expectantly. James had made it clear that this was her story to tell, if indeed it was to be told, and he had a feeling that he was wearing her down. Sure enough, James was suddenly off of the couch, leaving Lily sitting on her own, and had begun to pace on the other side of the room.

"Do you really think I'm worried about how the castle would react, Sirus? I've spent the past seven years ignoring what they've thought of me. If not afraid of questions."

_That's good_, Sirus thought before continuing. "Then what are you worried about? What are you afraid of?" He kept his eyes locked with hers, not letting her look away or hide.

"It's complicated."

"When are you going to stop giving me that same old lame excuse?"

"When will you actually believe me?"

"When you give me a reason to believe that you're not making a mountain out of a molehill!"

Lily threw her hands up in defeat. "Fine! You want a story? I'll give you a story! You want answers? I'll give you those, too!"

"That's all I've ever asked," Sirus replied in a calm tone, a complete turn around from the questions that had been flying only seconds ago.

Lily glared at him once before beginning her tale.

"I have lived in my house for my whole life as has Severus in his. James moved in when we were eight. Needless to say, I was best friends with Severus. And my sister. We did everything together despite our age differences.

"Sev and I had always been in the same class at school and did everything together. He was pretty much almost always at my house so Petunia would often be involved in our games. The three of us got alone smashingly. Until James moved in.

"That's when the balance began to shift. Suddenly, James was in class with us, and living across the street; needless to say, he was constantly around. And he intrigued me. I'll admit that, at eight, I thought he was cute, and I was fascinated by the fact that he was the only person who could really irritate Sev – and for no apparent reason. Only later did I learn about the animosity surrounding their families, but at that time, it all seemed silly to me. They had professed to having never met, yet there was instant rivalry.

"A prank war began between the two of them, and I was caught in the middle of it. Sev would only use Muggle methods since he couldn't reveal magic to me, but James would take any advantage: he used basic magical items. I only was able to identify everything once I came here, and when I told Petunia what it had been, she…she began to hate it – hate magic, especially since she could never become a part of it.

"Because Sev was always at my house, James would set off most of his pranks there. I got caught in the middle of most of the ones intended for Sev, and since Petunia was always with us, she did, too. My parents never believed us when we tried to explain what had happened – like when my hairbrush yelled at me for five minutes."

Lily paused here, allowing Sirus to interject his first question since the beginning of her tale.

"But that doesn't really answer why things are like this, Lily. It doesn't make sense."

"Sirus –"

"That's because she didn't tell you about when she kissed me." James' voice was so sudden that Sirus whipped his head to face his friend, shock evident on his face. Lily froze as she was cut off and then proceeded to turn red as the silence in the room lengthened. Eventually, Sirus turned back to Lily.

"And what's the story there? Why is that so important?"

Lily's face, if possible, turned an even darker shade of red at Sirus' question.

"I didn't think you'd remember that," Lily mumbled.

"How could I not?" James retorted quietly. "Your first kiss isn't something you customarily forget."

"It would have thought you'd have put it out of your mind, seeing as you laughed in my face for a minute straight afterwards!"

"I was eleven, Lily! What did you expect? For me to sweep you off of you feet?"

"I didn't expect to go home crying."

"And I suppose that's what led Snape to hunt me down later that day."

"Wait! Wait! Stop!" Sirus interjected. "Obviously, this caused a lot of bad blood between all of you, but I'm not exactly sure if I'm following what happened here."

"One day, I'm not sure what demonic thought possessed me, but I thought it would be a good idea to kiss James on the way home from school. You see," Lily continued quickly upon seeing the look on Sirus' face, "Sev, James and I all walked home from school, though usually not together. Sev was often out of school," here, Lily paused for the briefest second, "and on those days, I would walk with James. So I began to develop a little crush on him, and I kissed him one day. He laughed at me. I ran the rest of the way home; Sev was there, and I poured out the whole story."

"And then he came after me!" James exclaimed heatedly. "He threatened me with dark magic, and – from what I knew of his family – I was inclined to believe him. The best moment of my life was tainted by that slimeball."

"You idiot," Lily moaned. "Just tell me one thing: did you lay a hand on him that day?"

"No!" James answered immediately. "We exchanged threats and petty insults and agreed that we were both fighting for you, but that was all. I swear to you, Lily, I did not touch him."

Lily buried her face in her hands. "I always knew it; in my heart, I always knew it hadn't been you. But Sev came back the next day, all bloodied up, and I took his word when he said that James was responsible."

"Wait. So Snape knocked himself around to get you mad at James?" Sirus asked, disbelief evident in his tone.

"No," Lily replied quietly, regretfully. "His home life was awful. And before you start about 'the noble and most ancient house of Black', listen for a minute, Sirus. His dad was a Muggle, and he hated magic, to the point where he killed his wife with his own two hands. He routinely beat both her and Sev; one day he just took it too far."

Lily cut off abruptly and fixed a piercing gaze on the two boys in her company.

"And I swear," she continued in a voice that matched her stare, "if you use this against him in any way at all, I will personally come hunt you down. And I will not hesitate to torture you until you are begging for death."

A profuse silence hung in the air for what seemed like ages after Lily's little speech. James was the one who finally made the first move to break the heavy quiet.

"So finish the story."

Lily's eyes shot over to where he was standing near the entrance to his bedroom before addressing Sirus once more to continue her tale.

"That is when the pranking escalated. Before, it had only been little things and mostly between the two of them. Once Sev told me that, I discarded any feelings I had for James, and joined my friend wholeheartedly. So I became a target. And that's how things stood when we came to Hogwarts."

"So if I've understood this correctly," Sirus began, "you two hated each other because you like one another."

"It was never that easy, Sirus."

"And did you expect it to be, with Snape in the picture?" James asked bitterly. "I liked you, too, Lily, but how were you supposed to find out when your guard dog growled at me every time I came within five meters of you?"

"Don't talk about him that way!" Lily cried, standing up to finally face James, her eyes blazing with years of pent up fury.

He's no good for you, and yet you still defend him? When will you realize that he is just hurting you?"

"Oh, because you never did? He never dumped freezing water on me the first day of school or got me sick every time it snowed or stole my want or threw me into the lake."

"What else was I supposed to do, with you joining his side?"

"Left me out of it! And I would have stayed out of it!" Lily snapped.

James snorted. "Yeah, I can see you leaving the greaseball totally defenseless," he sneered. "Two against one isn't fair odds."

"You two are bloody dense!" Sirus finally shouted. Furiously, he stood up, stormed to the portrait hole, and slammed the picture shut behind him.

James and Lily both froze as they heard Sirus and couldn't move as he left in a fit of anger. Only when the last echoes of the portrait's slam had left the room silent was the spell broken. Lily got up off the couch and stormed past James into her room where he heard the lock bolted firmly behind her. James, on the other hand, wandered over to that same couch where he threw himself down in a heap.

Neither moved until morning.


	28. Chapter 28

**The Secrets They Keep**

_The Library, two weeks later_

If Lily had been trying to hide her distain for James before, there was no hiding it now. As much progress as they had been making toward some stable relationship since Christmas had been reversed in the course of less than one hour, and there was no doubt about how everything stood between them now.

The seventh year Gryffindors were not surprised, having heard the whole story from Sirus, but the rest of the castle was in shock. They could not help but notice how their Heads were no longer found in the same room together, except in classes where they would sit as far apart as humanly possible, nor how Lily would brush icily past James in the corridors and how he would no longer try to stop her as she went by. If they were ever found in the Heads' Dormitory together (which was itself a rare occurrence – Lily keeping to the library, James to the Gryffindor Tower), neither would deign to be in the same room. They weren't even glaring at one another anymore, or arguing, just avoiding and ignoring.

Sirus wasn't even trying to reconcile his two friends. He stopped asking Lily maddening questions and didn't press James about his past actions; he just tried to be a friend to whomever he was with at the moment, knowing he would never find them together.

Until Professor McGonagall relocated her class to the library, paired them off, and assigned them a long-term project to complete, that was. The whole world seemed to hold its breath as the Transfiguration professor called the two Heads to partner, and any casual observer could feel their minds start to whirl as the students wondered if she was mad, had a death wish, or simply had felt maniacal when she made up the pairs. (Sirus' own personal theory was that Dumbledore had a hand in the matter, but he wisely kept his mouth shut.) Any way it went, the partners were set, told to find their other halves, and sent to work.

Lily and James began their sublet dance one more. She unceremoniously dumped her books on one of the tables then shot over to the shelves as soon as James walked her way. He pulled his Transfiguration book toward him and started to take notes on their subject for as long as he could stand it before getting up to search the shelves himself, at which point Lily was able to safely deposit her armload of books on their table and begin to peruse. This game continued for another ten minutes until between the two of them and the rest of their class, the library had been scoured through for relevant books.

Eventually there weren't any left, and Lily knew this clearly as she watched James walk back to the table empty-handed. Quickly, she made the decision to look once more, getting up just as he returned to the table.

"Lily, please," she heard him say as she passed him, and a dim, much suppressed, part of her mind told her that he had been pleading.

Lily wandered the shelves listlessly, trying to think of a plausible excuse to give to her professor should she be asked why she was still searching when every other student was already reading their materials. By the time she reached the heart of the library, she was so engrossed in her own world that she jumped when she felt a hand on her arm.

"Lily…" James had followed her this time, but even before the word was fully out of his moth, she pulled away as if burned.

"Evans," he tried again, grabbing her elbow before she could run away from him.

"Leave me alone, Potter," she snapped back. "Can't you see I'm avoiding you?"

"Exactly, and it's not going to work! We have a project to do."

"And I'm sure we can split it up somehow."

"Do you hear yourself? This isn't some custody issue where one of us had weekend visitation rights. It's a paper. You have to listen to me."

"No, actually, I don't have to do anything," Lily retorted and tried to storm away. However, James only let go of her arm and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to face him.

"I'm glad we've grown up so much since we were ten. Why won't you just give me a chance? I was stupid, I'll admit that, but what bloke isn't around the girl he fancies?"

"Remus wasn't."

"Remus is of another sort entirely. He had been through more before we got to Hogwarts than we will go through in our entire lives. It's matured him; not all of us can say the same."

James waited for Lily's reply, but it never came. She just turned her head away from him, not wanting to meet his gaze. However, James lightly turned her head back towards him and then tilted her face back until their eyes met.

"Lily, I'm sorry, sorry for hurting you all those years, sorry for trying to come between you and Snape, sorry for making your life hell, sorry for not being able to tell you how I really feel. Lily, I'm sorry."

This time, Lily couldn't look away. Her eyes were locked with James', and she did not have the power to turn away from the pleading that she saw in them.

"What do you want me to do? Forget the past ten years, run into your arms, and live happily ever after?"

"No one said it would be that easy, but what's the harm in trying? Look at our portrait: Dumbledore gave us that room for a reason. They've managed to work out their differences, and although they still have to fight off the vines, they're free. Nothing's perfect, Lily, but we could at least put the past behind us."

"James, I don't know…" Lily started, but she took a hesitant step toward him at the same time that he pulled her closer. Their bodies met as Lily buried her face in James' chest and James wrapped his arms around Lily.

Lily and James agreed to put the past behind them; they agreed to try to make things work; they agreed that they were sorry and that each of them had been stupid; they agreed that they didn't want to hurt one another; they agreed that they needed one another.

True to James' words, it was not easy. They still occasionally fought – especially over Severus Snape. Lily's old friend had confronted her in a deserted corridor down by the dungeons almost immediately after it had been made public knowledge that the Heads were dating. Sirus had forced the scene out of the unwilling Lily and had then proceeded to tell James, figuring his best mate should know what was hurting his girlfriend. James had then stopped thinking and thrown accusations at Lily who had also let her tempter control her tongue, and they didn't talk to one another for four days.

However, they finally, once again, agreed that they were being stupid, and agreed that they needed one another. It was not easy, but they made it through together, helping one another, supporting one another. Side by side, they finished Hogwarts, and then, hand in hand, they faced the rest of the world.

The End


End file.
